It's finally happened--I've been tagged!

Never thought this would happen to me, but I've been tagged for a meme. Usually, I just steal these things when I can't think of anything better to write. And, as I told the lovely Robin, who was gracious enough to do the tagging, this is what happens to people who steal. Anyway, to those I've tagged, it's not mandatory to do this, but it would be great to see your answers! Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot. 1. Sarah and the Goon Squad 2. Little Miss Pissy Pants 3. Nickle Annie 4. Smiling through the cracks--Robin 5. Around the Writer's Block--Marie Then you get to select five people to pass the love on to. Gosh, I hate picking people for this stuff, so many choices, so many choices...You don't HAVE to, but it'll make me really happy if you do it. Consider it a late Xmas present. ;-) 1. Heidi--I love ya, hon, so you know I had to pick ya. 2. Sheri--I read ya every day and love your blog. I know your answers will be fab! 3. Jon--this is what you get for entering the world of blogging, honey! 4. Josie--a dedicated author who is incredibly busy, so I'm not sure she'll do this! 5. Mike--I'm sorry, dude. I respect ya tons and you are my writing idol--so I couldn't resist. What were you doing 10 years ago? In December of 1995, I was 4 months out of graduate school and working in a law office of all places. I couldn't find a teaching job to save my life. Jon and I had just celebrated our first official Christmas together (where we were in the same state) and getting ready to ring in 1996--the year we got married. I was 24 years old. Wow. I was YOUNG. I was also ballroom dancing on a regular basis; Jon and I were practicing for our wedding, and I was also practicing for professional-amateur competitions--oh, yeah, this was a previous life.... Five snacks you enjoy: 1. Caramel Ho-Hos--there's one reason my hips are so huge! LOL 2. chips and salsa 3. peppermint patties 4. cake with lots of icing 5. cheese (ohh, yeah, I'm with Robin on this) Five songs you know all the lyrics to: I know the words to many, many, many songs. Here are five of my favorites: 1. The entire libretto to Oklahoma (that would count as 5 songs right there, but I decided to lump them all together so no one could say I cheated!) 2. You Oughta Know--Alanis Morrisette. Doesn't every woman know this song? 3. We Didn't Start the Fire--Billy Joel. Yes, I know all the lyrics to this history lesson to music. I also know the lyrics to most of Billy's songs. Great stuff! 4. Revolution--The Beatles. A great song to crank up on my iPod! 5. Dust in the Wind--Kansas. Yeah, Kansas....got something to say about that?!? I also have Carry On Wayward Son on the ol iPod, and I have that one down, too. But, I like Dust better! Five things you would do if you were a millionaire: 1. Pay off all our bills 2. Set up trust fund/college account for the girls 3. Buy Jon the car of his dreams 4. Get my mom the house of her dreams, with maid staff included! She'd have a great kitchen, though, cuz she loves to cook, but would have access to some great chefs if she ever didn't feel like cooking. 5. Buy my dream home--ranch house, one wing for Jon and me, one for the girls...laundry on same floor, two car garage, great entertainment center and computer center...awesome kitchen. I have simple needs. Five bad habits: 1. I bite my nails (:( it's a lost cause, I'm afraid) 2. Portion control (but, I'm working on that one!) 3. Procrastinating--I'll tell you why later... 4. Yelling--but, I'm working on that one, too. 5. Assuming that people know what I'm thinking even when I don't tell them. (What am I thnking right now? You don't know? WHAT THE FUCK???!!!!!) Five things you like doing: 1. Eating 2. Writing 3. Sleeping 4. Going out with Jon 5. Watching West Wing or Mythbusters with Jon (ok, is it bad that I don't have anything with the girls listed????) 5 favorite toys: 1. my laptop 2. my iPod and it's little fm transmitter for my car 3. TiVo 4. Xbox 5. my blog

New Year's Thursday Thirteen

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER. I forgot to send this last night, so here it goes.

Thirteen Things I want for 2006 1…. To devote at least 30 minutes a day to "non-work" writing. 2. Better eating habits. I want to avoid the word "diet" because they've never worked so far. So, I'd like to be more aware of what and how much I put in my mouth. 3. Get to the Y two days a week and get in the pool--even if it's just to move around a little. 4. For Jon to get the recognition at work that he deserves. If he doesn't within the first 6 months of the new year, I'm liable to go over there and give them hell. 5. To take more risks when it comes to meeting new people. I need to get out there more and trust people a little bit more. 6. For my girls to continue to grow, be healthy and be happy 7. For my girls not to drive me totally crazy in the process of accomplishing #6 8. To start taking care of myself without feeling guilt; saying "No" more often and just taking time to sit and do what I want, when I want it. 9. to clean out the basement once and for all and to create a nicer master bedroom for me and jon==for as little money as possible (can you say: "rearrange?") 10. To keep a close eye on our finances and continue to work our budget. It's been a shaky start with the holidays, but we can do it. 11. To have a wonderful 10 year wedding anniversary in July--even if it's just a long-weekend away somewhere locally! 12. To yell less and to listen more 13. To have more fun in my life during 2006. 2005 was a bit too serious for me--lots of change, problems, etc.. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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The Two Days of Christmas

Christmas at the Rossiter home was actually not as high maintenance as I thought it would be. The girls didn't get up at the ass-crack of dawn and we didn't even make it downstairs until almost 8am. (the girls' gift to us). They were pretty pleased with the presents and had a blast opening them, as you can see here: The annual ritual of rip, toss and squeal was alive and well in our home on Christmas morning. I have to say that I was a little perturbed at the fact that Cailyn seemed more impressed with the green sticky hand grabber in her stocking than her new GBA, but once Jon got it out of the box and she understood exactly what it was--she really enjoyed it. Erin walked around dressed as Cinderella for the entire day. Life was good. Then, on the 26th, we made our pilgrimage to Grandma and Papa's house (in Vermont--my folks) to celebrate the holiday. After encountering monsoon-like rains in New Hampshire (gotta love New England weather), we had a great drive home. The girls even managed to get along and not force us to threaten any post-Christmas beatings. Christmas is ok at our house: we have a nice tree and I do a little decorating in the house. However, in order to really see what can be done to trim the tree and deck the halls, you need to come to my Mom's house: Welcome to Christmas Village! This display has been almost 20 years in the making and has taken over the new addition on my parents' house. What was once a summer room is now the Christmas room. Mom has collected these things forever and has put them up from time to time, but nothing like this. I tease her about her mania regarding this village, but I have to admit, it's impressive. Yes, this is a working fountain in the church square.... A close up shot of one section of town. But, the big fun at Christmas doesn't stop at the village--nope! In true grandparent fashion, my folks went crazy with the presents. Need proof? Here ya go: This is the before picture. There isn't an after picture, because, quite honestly, it was too horrifying to post publicly LOL. The girls were very good, I have to say--I'm just wondering when my real children will be returned for these well-behaved/calm children. Until then, I'll enjoy my Christmas gift. Oh, speaking of gifts, Jon did very well this year (he must have read my blog post about Christmas shopping and gifts). It just goes to show that he didn't need to spend a fortune, but I LOVED the gifts that I recieved. Thank you, babe! I love ya so much! To all parents out there, I wish you a happy recovery from the holidays. We've earned it! M.

My (sort of) Holiday Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about ME 1…. It's Dec. 22 and my deadline for having my gifts all bought and wrapped was Dec. 15. 2. The majority of my gifts are still hiding/buried in my upstairs bedroom closet--unwrapped. But, at least I've started on it--which is better than last year! LOL 3. I still have a few gifts to buy. Well, not have to, but should. 4. I did manage to get all of the gifts made/baked that I said I would. And, it was greatly appreciated. As much work as it was, I'm really glad that I did it and that it was liked by those who received them. 5. I still want to have all of my gifts wrapped by the 24th. Guess what I'm doing tonight and tomorrow night? 6. Wait a minute, I have choir practice tonight, which should be fun since my voice has been hoarse for 4 days now. There goes my chance for the big solo (YEAH, RIGHT). Maybe Jon will wrap some presents for me once the girls go down to sleep...and I'll help when I get home. 7. I'm wondering how awful would it be if I just decided to go to Mass with the family at 4 on Christmas Eve and not sing at the 6:30 Mass. My dilemma: I do enjoy singing, especially at Christmas. I just don't like going to rehearsal in the cold, Maine evenings. 8. I really do think that time goes by faster as I get older. Wasn't it just Christmas 2004 a few days ago?? 9. I've noticed a "stripe" of gray hair near the front of my hair, right near my scalp line. It should make me feel old (which it does just a tiny bit), but I admit I kinda like it. 10. I took a 15 minute nap (Cailyn is playing outside in the neighbor's yard and Erin is at preschool!). Naps are wonderful things. 11. Wouldn't it be great if we could give naps for Christmas gifts--for friends and loved ones to use when they need it?? I know I'd love that! It always fits and I certainly would never return it. 12. When it comes right down to it, I already have all I need. I take for granted the people and things in my life. That's what the holidays should really be about--family, friends and appreciating what we have. It used to be that way, I think. I know I've been trying to focus on that a lot this year, but it's so easy to get sucked up in creating the perfect Christmas. As Charlie Brown so eloquently put it, "Christmas is too commercial!" I need to pull out my Charlie Brown special and watch it again. 13. Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Happy Kwanzaa or whatever you may celebrate! Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Shiny Red Shoes

It happens every year: one of my children add some last minute item to their Christmas list that they just HAVE TO HAVE. For the first time in ages, I've been ahead of the game with the shopping (although not so much with the wrapping, but hey, it's a start). I was done as of last week. However, last week, Erin (the 3 y.o.) announced emphatically to me on her way to preschool: "Mommy, I want shiny, sparkly red shoes. They have to be red and have a strap and shiny and like Dorothy's. But, I'm going to wear them so I can be a true princess like Dora [the Explorer]". I gave the standard answer any parent gives to a child in a situation like this: "Mm hmm, maybe some day." Translation: "Whatever." We adults believe things like this are just a passing fancy and the little tyke will latch onto something else tomorrow. Not Erin. She remembers all, and makes sure that everyone around her knows that she ain't forgetting anything. The child can't remember to pick up her toys when she's done, but, oh, she can give you a highly detailed description of what she wants for Christmas. In the seven days since the first mention of these blasted shoes, not a single day has gone by without Erin reminding me (and telling the world) about how much she wants them and has to have them. It doesn't matter if I'm dropping her off, picking her up, giving her a bath, or if she's wiping her butt after going potty, she says the same thing each time. "Mommy, I want shiny, sparkly red shoes. They have to be red and have a strap and shiny and like Dorothy's. But, I'm going to wear them so I can be a true princess like Dora [the Explorer]". In a moment that proves that my mind holds mindless pieces of information that pop up at the most appropriate times, my brain recalled a line from the movie "A Chorus Line", where one of the dancers auditioning for a role speaks of a supposed beloved movie of a fellow dancer:

"See, I've never heard of 'The Red Shoes'. I've never seen 'The Red Shoes'. I don't give a shit about 'The Red Shoes."

I fully understand what she's talking about. But today, a major revelation happened. While watching Erin's preschool Christmas pageant, I saw them. There are actually red sparkly shoes out there, because a little girl in Erin's class had them. Ah, hell. As soon as the show was over, Erin made sure that I saw them. "See Abby has them! But, they don't have a buckle." Picky, picky. So, in a move that probably caused me to look some some freakish stalker lady, I chased down the girl's mom and asked her where she got those shoes. The answer: Wal-Mart. Yeah, exactly where I want to go 5 days before Christmas. If you need convincing, let my husband Jon explain further. But, of course, being the sucker mom that I am, went to Wally World in search of the Holy Grail of Shoes. I found the last pair on Earth--in a size 2 sizes too big for my kid. But, size really doesn't matter, so I picked them up, feeling victorious in my quest. They should have been for Christmas, but when I picked Erin up, she asked if I found her shoes, yet. In the interest of my sanity, she got the shoes tonight. My reward? A great big smile....and the delightful sounds of shoes two sizes too big stomping throughout my house. So much for my sanity.

Actor John Spencer has died - TELEVISION - MSNBC.com

This is one of those news stories that, when I saw the headline, thought was one of those sick jokes/rumors. Unfortunately, it's not. I know it sounds stupid--I don't know this man personally at all, but since 1999, this man and the character he created has touched my life significantly. It was clear in watching John Spencer that he loved...had a passion...for his craft. He made The West Wing the powerhouse it was in its heyday and gave it a shred of dignity since its decline over the past couple of years. He was one of the reasons I kept with the show, even though it has lost its lustre. And, the irony that he passed away from the same ailment his character had....unreal. So, while it may seem silly to mourn a stranger, I shed a tear for a great performer and a great professional.

DH's all "abuzz" about blogs

Are you ready for this? My DH, Jon, has decided to enter the blogging world! You could have knocked me over with a feather. Needless to say, I'm very interested in his view of things (I know you're gonna talk about me, honey!!! It's all good, cuz I talk about you, too! LOL). Go over and check out his blog Buzzing in my Brain. The man is funny--one of the many reasons he scored such a wonderful lady as me! I suppose he had to create his own forum, since he gets tired of asking me the types of questions he'll be posting and getting no answer. LOL Still, since I am the one in the family, at least between the grown ups, that likes to have the last word, I'm sure I'll respond to a number of his observations/questions. As a matter of fact, his first question is just ripe for the picking, and I'll be tackling that one on a separate post. Please, go check him out--it's not often a wife asks people to do that with her husband. I tease him and crack on him a bit, but he really does think about some interesting things. Besides, it's always good to hear the man's side of things in a relationship....although I have to wonder just how much he'll really reveal...

Another budding writer in the family...

I received this note, from my 7 yo, Cailyn, finely gift-wrapped in a "re-gifted" box and some nicely tied gold ribbon: Dear mom you are the best mom ever, xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo I love you so much I could dran [read: drown] in the love I have for you. I love you! (with a little heart for the dot) Of course, my first reaction was to give her a big hug and kiss; she was mighty proud of her work. After she went on her way, I had to marvel at her choice of words. My oldest child has mastered the art of hyperbole...LOL leave it to a kid. Maybe she'll be a poet--with images like that, she can't miss. Still, a great present from my oldest. :)

Domestic Goddess in Training

All my life, I've marveled at people who are creative with their hands, particularly with decorations or in the kitchen. While I can hang pictures so that they're relatively straight and I can cook some decent meals, most of the time, they just aren't--how shall I say it--pretty. My mom has the gift of great style when it comes to crafts and cooking; the stuff she makes is not only functional or delicious, but it looks fabulous. In my case, my motto is: it tastes/works better than it looks. Mom has tried to teach me this talent, probably with the hopes of passing it on to the next generation. So far (other than crochet), the best shot she has at keeping this skill in our blood lines is if it has skipped a generation and gone directly to my girls. However, there may be a tiny ray of hope for me. The desire to keep at least a little shred of joy in the holiday season, I've tried to stay out of the shops: not entirely, of course, but at least to try to focus on keeping things a little simpler this Christmas. Therefore, I opted for the "homemade" gift route. My concern was that they'd look tacky and like I did a half-assed job. Here's a pic of the final result: Each mug has a package of marshmallows in blue plastic wrapping and then homemade hot cocoa mix on top, sealed in a ziplock and then surrounded with gold snowflake wrapping. Tucked in the back of the mug, a hand dipped chocolate spoon and a candy cane. In the gift bag, I included jelly filled/choc dipped cookies, brownies sprinkled with crushed peppermint stick and then green/red twist cookies shaped like candy canes. The cookies look ok--not the way I pictured them in my head, but not as bad as previous attempts. But, the whole really does look better than the sum of its parts. I think our friends and Jon's co-workers will enjoy their packages. I can honestly say they were made with heart and care. And, as far as being simple--well, let's just say that it wasn't hard--but a bit time consuming. It was totally worth it. I have about a 1/2 dozen more of these to do the end of next week for the girls' teachers. Hey, mom...getting scared, yet? I am....this cooking/domestic thing isn't too bad.

STORM CENTER! STORM CENTER! STORM CENTER!

As is typical of how December has been going, I woke up this morning around 7 to the sounds of Jon asking me to help get the girls ready for school. Now, since I've not been feeling so swift, lately, I decide not to be a total bitch and get up. The fact that it was still pretty dark wasn't helping to convince my ass to get out of the bed, though. I flip the tv from music (gotta love digital music!!) to one of our local stations. An all-too-familiar sight appears at the bottom of my screen. The blue banner with glaring white letters are mocking me. It's STORM CENTER! Up here in Maine, there are actually comedians (MARLEY/HAMM--OH, YEAH!) who do whole bits about this seasonal tradition. Forget the fact that holiday decorations have been up since Labor Day in many stores; never mind that no less than two radio stations have 24/7 Christmas music--which they call holiday music, but come on, I haven't heard a Hannukah song, yet, folks; it matters not that I've made two batches of cookies this week... Those of us in this area of Maine truly know " ' tis the season" when the local news anchors/weather people are wearing the sweaters and the blue and white banner runs constantly down below--school closing time!! Of course, when I was a teacher, I prayed for this sight when I woke up some winter mornings. I even have a patented "Dance of the Snow Day Fairy" [I hear you scoff, but don't mess with the powers, nonbelievers]. I have people actually call me up and make requests: my accuracy is no less than 87% in any given season. This is when my friends/family stop hiding behind various objects because they have a "weather geek" in their lives (selfish bastards! LOL Just kidding, guys!!). Now that I work at home, my dancing days are fewer and much more far between. I want these kids going to school!!! Needless to say, it wasn't until both kids were UP and watching Nickelodeon downstairs that I see Auburn is closed. Oh, hell... To think I could have slept a little more. Such is life. The day wasn't bad, though. Cailyn had a ball outside and it was pretty to look at... More pics to come tomorrow. I got a bit done around the house, starting to get caught up after the week from hell. Cleaning, cooking, gift prep and even a bit of online shopping. Snow days like this aren't so bad after all.

Thursday Thirteen!

Thirteen Things about MARIE I love our Christmas tree. Every year we put it up, it always looks great! I have ornaments from when I was a baby all the way up to this year. I buy a new one for each of my girls each year, in order to carry on the tradition--and they will have a "starter" kit for their own tree, just like my mom did for me. I actually updated my Amazon.com wish list. Wanna check it out and see how lame I am? Click here. Jon always complains that I don't give him ideas for gifts, so I decided it was time to put a few things there. Since when do I want kitchen stuff? God, I am getting old and domestic. A nice piece of jewelry wouldn't be a bad thing, either. ;) Not necessarily expensive, just nice. I downloaded some Christmas and other music onto my Ipod today. Haven't done that in a while, either. I'm learning how to let go of being responsible for everyone else, except for me. This doesn't mean that I don't care or won't help--but, how can I expect others in my life to take on things if I don't give them the chance? Letting go of control of these things isn't easy, though. Letting go, period, ain't easy. I'm listening to Cailyn reading aloud--and the fact that she does so well blows me away. It's amazing how kids learn language, really--but, this is how a teacher's mind works (can take me out of the classroom, but....) Tonight is better than this morning. Living moment by moment is something that I'm being forced to learn. I think it will be a lesson well worth the struggle. I have a number of family outings planned for the four of us over the next few weeks--nothing major, but fun for Christmas. We're going to see two local performances (a living nativity and a Christmas Spectacular that I've heard about). I hope to be singing in a Messiah sing-a-long concert--I really want to be well enough for that next week!! And, one night right before Christmas, I want to get the kids in their PJs, and just before they go to bed, surprise them by taking them out to go look at the many beautiful light displays in our area. We'll have some carols in the car, a thermos of hot chocolate and off we'll go. Jon just called and said he's picking up Wendy's for dinner. Yeah, I love this guy and need to keep him around. It's never possible for me to stay angry with him--no matter how much I may want to. Tomorrow is going to be better than today....I need to believe that. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. Renee The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

revamped website

Forgot to mention that I've revamped my website. Check it out at www.marierossiter.com and let me know what you think! It is a lot more comprehensive, includes some of my photography work, as well as many more writing samples (fiction, articles, non-fiction). I'm pretty pleased. Comments/suggestions are more than welcome! Thanks for reading! M.

Two forward, at least one back

Yesterday was one of those days that made me weary. It is important to note, first, that there have been improvement in how I've been feeling. I'm no longer in a constant state of nausea/vertigo. The pills I'm taking for this are causing a "detached" sensation, but that sure as hell beats what I was dealing with just a couple of days ago. I also think that my body is adjusting to the new Wellbutrin dosage (which is down by 1/2). My follow up with the dr's office is next week. More updates as they happen, of course. So, yesterday morning, I made the decision that I am tired of feeling like a prisoner of my couch. I got quite a bit done yesterday--some freelance writing work, a bit of cleaning up and even baked some cookies with Cailyn (and those of you with little kids know how 'stressful' that can be!!) after her weekly early dismissal. The first indication that the day wasn't going to go as planned was when I received an email from Amazon stating that there was a "delay" in my order shipment. "Your order won't be received until after 12/24." Ordinarily, this wouldn't bug me, but this shipment was the majority of Cailyn and Erin's Christmas gifts and they were ordered almost 3 weeks ago. For the first time in a Christmas season, I manage to have a plan, work on getting things done early and not procrastinating (a miracle if there ever was one ;) ). I'll make a long story short by stating that after a few glitches and crossed connections, I'm happy to report that the bulk of the order shipped last night. Phew. I was feeling rather frustrated, though at my efforts being apparently for nothing. Still, I had something to look forward to later in the day. One of my best friends (really more like family) had tickets for a holiday concert with Kenny Rogers, Ray Dean and Rebecca Lynn Howard; the night had been planned for months. Because of recent events, I was checked on numerous times to make sure I was up for the trip. By 4:45 pm, I determined that I was ready for the 30 minute drive to the show. It's a straight run up the Maine Turnpike and I felt just fine. About a little more than halfway through the trip, I noticed that I was fighting to keep control of the car. I wasn't all over the road, but it was definitely an effort to stay in my lane. Oh my God, I thought. It's happening again. My hands gripped the wheel, and I focused harder. Still, it was a battle and like nothing I had experienced before. I pulled the car over to the breakdown lane, and shook it off, thinking that I'm merely overcompensating for my gitters since all of the problems with the meds started. I felt physically fine (no nausea or dizziness), just--anxiety that I didn't feel in control. I started on the road again, and after another 5 minutes, the fear won out. I drove into the rest area, called Jon and started to cry. "I can't do this." I couldn't explain what happened, but Jon, being the incredible person he is, loaded the kids up, came to get me and then dropped me off at the restaurant where I was meeting my friend (I was an hour late). I felt totally fine, so I knew it would be ok to go to the show. On the way to the restaurant, however, Jon asked me if I battled with the car the way he did on his drive to get me. "Honey," he said, "the wind is fierce. I had a hard time keeping up with it. You were in control of the car...it was the wind..." The wind and my own self-consciousness. I felt drained, angry--and ashamed. How could I let anxiety take over so much? In the end, I"m glad I called, but now we have to make arrangements to get my car, which we left in the rest area. Jon may follow me home later, so we don't have to bother friends of ours, but I told him we'd see how I feel later on in the day. I'm feeling tired today and filled with a bit of doubt regarding driving...maybe until all of this gets resolved (dosage, etc.), I shouldn't drive...but, how will I function? The thought of getting behind the wheel freaks me out a bit, based on what happened last night. So much progress, and yet, I'm moving backwards at the same time. Sigh. I plan to get some rest today and keep trying to look forward. M.

The true medicine

I received an email today from someone who has been keeping up with my situation. She wrote the following:

I read your blog at home last night and wanted to offer my encouragement to you to keep on being true to yourself. I hope you have a good support system

Have a peaceful day

There's a few things that struck me about this brief email. First, the person who wrote it. I've known her for a while now. Technically speaking, she is one of my many "bosses". As a freelancer, I work for a number of people. This particular person has always been a friend to me, as well as someone for whom I work. Pure and simple: she's good people--she makes my job so much easier and we work incredibly well together. In response to her email, the first thing I did was thank her for encouragement and well wishes. I explained that I knew that writing about this is extremely personal and poses a risk to me, professionally. After all, prospective employers and other sources can see my "dirty laundry" hanging in the air. I concluded that, in the end, that by addressing this subject not only helps me confirm who I am in a complete way, but also affirms the millions of others in the world who cope with depression on a daily basis. Who I am to deny these people? Why am I better than they? Depression is a disease that festers in darkness--therefore, bringing it out into the light, into the open, must be a sure fire way to conquer it. I also assured her that I have an incredible support system. It is people like her and the others out there who have sent their thoughts and prayers my way. Then, of course, there is my inner circle: Jon, my family and my friends. I confess that I keep a pretty tight circle, and in my inner circle's defense, being in this position can't be easy. Yet, each one of them is key in my recovery. Much the same way an alcoholic, drug or other addict, "recovery" is a relative term. Depression isn't cured--it is handled/managed. It is a daily challenge. Some days are a struggle, many will be successful. And, yes, there are many drugs available to help with treatment. The best medicine doesn't come in a bottle, though. It comes in the patience, understanding and love of family and friends. It's not easy for them: they put up with the roller coaster ride of depression and do it without question. I'm one of the lucky ones, as not all people in my place can say the same thing. The days have been dark lately, but as I told my friend--I have incredible support. They are the light at the end of this tunnel. I can see it clearly.

stopped in my tracks part 2

Well, the doctor's visit was productive, but not exactly conclusive. Here's a few things that the doctor believes my symptoms are NOT indicative of:

• a neurological condition
• a cardiac condition

So, consider me grateful for that.

Of course, without any real illness to pinpoint the cause of my symptoms, we wind up having a bit of a guessing game on our hands. It could be any/all of the following:

• boosting my new antidepressant too quickly
• removing me from my old antidepressant too quickly
• my inner ear having a reaction to a bad head cold I had for about a month that finally passed about a week ago (talk about a bad coincidence there, huh?)

What to do? What to do? For now, I've been dropped back to 1/2 my prescribed medication of the AD to see if that helps. In the meantime, I've also been given a version of--wait for it--dramamine to help me with the vertigo and nausea. I'm not allowed to drive for the next few days, either. It's a bummer, but I guess it's better than wrapping myself around a tree somewhere.

I made the comment the other day, as I was mid-heave sometime, that a part of me wishes I had never started the depressants to begin with. It's a stupid thought, I know. Where would I be right now if I hadn't? Perhaps I wouldn't be dealing with the dizziness and nausea, but the other things I'd have to deal with would most likely be much worse. It's all relative, I guess.

My bff, Heidi, said that when things like this happen, it reminds us about the little things that we take for granted (see last post) and helps get our priorities straight. She makes a very good point.

So, what next? I take the meds as prescribed, get some rest and gradually try to wean myself back into my normal daily routine. And pray that I don't have to change meds again for a long time...

This is all happening for a good reason. I just need some help figuring out what it is.

stopped in my tracks part 1

I take my health for granted. Who doesn't, really? People go along their merry way, minding their own business, thinking all is right with the world until something happens that pulls us up by the scruff of the neck and says, "Hold on just a minute, mortal." Consider me duly yanked. In the interest of painting a complete picture, I am going to be 100% honest in this post. It's not that I'm a pathological liar, ordinarily (although, if I were, would I know it, really?); it's just that up until now I haven't been comfortable talking about most of this stuff. But, this "stuff" is who I am--no sense in denying it. If you're not interested in a descriptive history, I won't feel bad if you take a pass on this post. About a year ago, I went to the doctor when I discovered that I probably needed some help regarding some mood swings and depression I'd been experiencing. The turning point was when I broke my bathroom closet door by hitting it. I figured that it was better than taking it out on anything else (especially my beautiful girls). Yeah, that was enough to finally get my attention. So, off I went. Fortunately, the doctor was very helpful and got me started on a low dosage of an antidepressant and also gave me some Ambien to help me sleep; I hadn't been sleeping well for at least six months. Within a few weeks, the clouds started to lift and the mood swings were mostly under control, with the exception of some PMS (hey, no one's perfect and it is PMS, after all LOL). Evenutually, I got off the Ambien and started sleeping on my own. I was feeling good. Months later--I'm not exactly sure when--I noticed a new side effect to the antidepressant. Weight gain, and not just a few pounds. In in the interest of the honesty I promised above, I confess that when I started the antidepressant, I was already very overweight, but I had started to lose some of it during that first doctor visit--to the tune of almost 40 pounds. I had at least 60 pounds to go, but it was a start. Instead of losing weight on my new meds, though, I was gaining. I tried not to notice at first, but when clothes don't fit anymore and you have a hard time recognizing yourself in the mirror, well--reality bites hard. Almost a year to the day of getting help for my depression, I went back to the doctor for help with my weight. We determined that the drug was at least partially responsible for the gain (to the tune of almost 70 pounds from the previous year). So, the doctor switched me to a new med--had me slowly introduce it and then raise it so I could drop the other. Here's a tip for those of you in a similar situation re: having to drop one antidepressant for another--it ain't fun. Over the past 5 days, I have been in a pereputal state of dizziness and nausea, had the dry heaves, felt like crap and am now just plum worn out. I thought it was just me thinking I was sick because of the med change, but after dry heaving into a wastebasket in my room, the thought dawned on me that perhaps this wasn't a mind over matter thing. I'm not a wuss and don't like being thought of as one. This is stubbornness on my part, I suppose. But, after almost 5 days like this, I called the doctor once again--which brings me to right now, where I'm waiting for DH to come pick me up because I can't even drive myself to the doctor. I want my life back and at this point, I don't care what I have to do to get it back. I am grateful to God that I'm not critically ill, and I have a new appreciation for people who struggle to get off certain drugs or medications. It is an ordeal that I wouldn't wish on anyone. I just hope that the doctor has an explanation. I've talked, at length, with my mom, who has been a nurse for almost 40 years. She has her theories, but I'll share those in my next post. I've written down all of my symptoms and plan on discussing this calmly and rationally with the doctor. Please, any kind thoughts you may have would help. I'll update later, after my appointment. If you've read all this, I say a heartfelt thanks. Thanks for "listening".

A "hot" meme

First, a shout out to Sheri: I blatently took this little meme from her; but, since she took it from someone else, I don't feel too guilty. LOL So, here's my stolen survey of info about me: The ABC's of Me A is for age: 34 B is for booze of choice: Frozen Mudslide C is for career: former teacher, current SAHM and freelance writer D is for your dad's name: Peter (who passed away in 1994) and George (who is my stepdad, but I call him dad) E is for essential items to bring to a party: Chocolate of some sort F is for favorite song at the moment: um....too many to mention. I'll come back to this one. (Ok, I'm back for this one--right now, the Oklahoma soundtrack is still playing in my head, even though it's been a week since the show closed. G is for favorite game: Enjoying playing Dungeons and Dragons on the Xbox H is for hometown: Born in the Bronx, NY, but consider both Yonkers, NY and Wells, VT my hometowns (since I lived in both places while growing up) I is for instruments you play: officially, none, but I dabble in percussion and piano once in a while. J is for jam or jelly you like: toss up between strawberry jelly and orange marmalade K is for kids: 2--Cailyn (age 7) and Erin (age 3), and of course, there's my "eldest child", my DH Jon. LOL L is for living arrangements: Jon, me, the two girls and 4 fish in our Maine M is for mom's name: Jacqueline (but she goes by Jackie) N is for name of your crush: oh, my too many to mention in my past, but if I had to choose one: Joey. O is for overnight hospital stays: Only twice: when I gave birth to my children P is for phobias: spiders, flying (although that one is getting better), death Q is for quotes you like: "This is bad on so many levels" R is for relationship that lasted the longest: Will be celebrating my 10th wedding anniversary to Jon in 2006, but we've been together for a little over 11 years now. T is for time you wake up: generally, around 7 on weekdays, weekends it depends on the girls. U is for underwear: Hanes Her Way or Just My Size for big butts V is for vegetable you love: Corn on the cob W is for weekend plans: put up and decorate Xmas tree, get organized for the holidays X is for x-rays you've had: left wrist (broken), lungs (testing for pneumonia), teeth Y is for yummy food you make: According to Jon, I make a mean thanksgiving feast, but I also do things up on the grill pretty nicely, too. Z is for zodiac sign: Pisces

Giving Thanks

As with most holidays, it seems a shame that it takes a designated day on the calendar to take a moment to reflect on the good things in life. I suppose it's just easier to latch onto the everyday stresses and problems that come up. So, in the interest of keeping up with traditions that date back to 1620 and a group of pilgrims who, compartively speaking, had a lot less to be thankful for than I have now, I'd like to offer my heartfelt gratitude for a number of things:

• I'm incredibly thankful for my husband, Jon. He's probably the one aspect/person in my life that I take for granted the most. His support is unwavering, his love surpasses all things rational. Somehow, he's managed to stick with me through 11 years of this relationship and still finds ways to make me smile and recognize my self-worth after all that time. He's truly the best thing that's happened in my life.
• I'm thankful for my two beautiful girls. Cailyn and Erin continue to astound and amaze me (in both good and puzzling ways), and they teach me more about life than two people under the age of 10 should be able.
• I'm thankful for the family and friends that I have, both near and far, who add so much joy and compassion to my life.
• I'm thankful that I'm taking steps to make my life better--accepting responsibility for my own well-being isn't easy, but it'll be worth it.
• I'm thankful that I have an opportunity to write--and I've resolved that I'm not going to continue to squander that chance.

There are tons of other things, but I think I've made my point. On this Thanksgiving Day, remember the little things in life that make it whole...that make it full. It's those little things that make the big things possible, and what round out a complete and happy life.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

I have returned!

Ever notice how a week goes by so quickly during vacation, while a week at home in the "rat race" drags on forever? It sucks. Still, we have returned from Sunny Orlando. It was an incredible, whirlwind trip, and I'll post more over the coming days. Took over 200 pictures (some good, some eh), have lots of experiences to share and memories to cherish. You can be sure to find some funny stories here as I recap Disney Adventure 2005. Here's a sneak peek, though:
A typical day at the Magic Kingdom during our stay. Lovely! The girls were captivated by the castle, meeting the princesses and other characters. As for me, I am always blown away at the imagination that has gone into these parks. But, more on that in later posts!
I did a lot of thinking while I was gone--well, it really started before I left, but continued during our trip. I think I'm at another reevaluation point in my life. My plate is just too full right now. After getting through the show this week, I want to try to get on track and start feeling better about what I'm accomplishing both in work, at home and myself. In the meantime, I need to try to get things back to normal here. More tomorrow. M.

Zip-ah-dee-doo-dah, Zip-ah-dee-ay...

My, oh my, I never thought I'd see this day! In about two hours, we start for our drive to Boston, where the Four Rossiters will sleep together in one room (I'm shuddering at the thought) and start our first BIG family vacation. I'm hoping the strategy of all of us going to bed at the same time will work (I do have my doubts--but, the little ones have to pas out eventually, right??). Then, it's off to Logan Airport in the morning for our direct flight to Orlando! The kids are psyched, the grandparents are psyched and I'm pretty excited. The start of vacations are always a stressful time for me. I don't care for flying; I tolerate it. Once I'm there, I'm ok. This is Erin's first flight--the girls first flight together (Cailyn is a regular plane vet, being a total of 3 or 4 times now. LOL). Jon, of course, the business world traveller sees it as no big deal. My prayer is that we survive the three-hour flight without any major meltdowns from the kids or a panic attack from me. The good news is that our airline has NICKELODEON for the kids to watch!!!! THANK YOU GOD!!! That should help. My folks are flying in from Vermont tomorrow as well and will arrive only a few minutes before we do. We're meeting up, getting our rental mini-van and beginning our week of insanity. I'll make sure to take lots of pictures. I thought of bringing the laptop and blogging our trip. Instead, I think I'll just bring along a notebook and jot down the finer points. Should make some laughable stories to share upon my return. Pray for some relaxation for me, would you? I really need it right now.... Ok, off to load the car and fill her with gas before I go pick up the girls from school. To close on an appropriate Disney note, as Tigger says: TTFN (Ta-Ta for now!) See you all on Veteren's Day evening! M.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about Marie 1. I went over to a friend's house tonight who was hosting a get together for ladies whose husbands work together. I usually don't like these things and have been to as many of these social events as I can count on one hand. But, it was a small gathering and I actually enjoyed myself. 2. I gave away my first crochet item as a gift at this gathering. It went over well, or so they seemed to say. :) 3. My girls have decided that sleeping through the night is optional. Erin has been having nightmares about gorillas (damn Spongebob) and Cailyn, well, I don't know what her deal is. All I know is that it makes me pretty uninterested in getting up in the morning. 4. T-minus 7 days and counting until our vacation. 5. I bought my Christmas cards today. The plan is to have them out by Dec 1. Yes, I will do it! 6. Been having a lot of dreams about when I was a kid--or at least people and places from my youth. No idea what the hell they mean. 7. I've been thinking of redecorating the living room and the master bedroom--a lot. Have no idea where to start or what I'm doing, yet. 8. Got my contract for Toy Shop magazine in the mail. Will be seeing my name in print in a national mag within the next few months. 9. In spite of that, I've had nibbles on a few short-term freelance projects. I send my credentials and a quote and NOTHING. Waiting really sucks. 10. It seems like no matter how much I want to go to bed early, 11 o'clock seems to be the earliest my ass hits the bed. 11. No wonder why I'm tired in the morning 12. One of my friends is pregnant and I am thrilled for her. She's been waiting so long for this. I keep her in my prayers every day, even though she and I aren't close friends. I sometimes wish that we could get past whatever it is that holds us back from being better friends. 13. I wonder sometimes if I'm too particular when it comes to friends. Maybe I'm stuck up or something. I don't feel I am; I think my personality tends to push people away--that and the fact that I'm so busy....maybe I can work on that, though... Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

My 100 things

After doing my first Thursday Thirteen yesterday, I've become motivated to finally do my "100 things" meme...I've put it off for a long time, but I guess it's time to give it a shot. Marie's 100 Things...

1. I was born in the Bronx, NY

2. I lived in Yonkers, NY until I was 14, when my mom and dad moved to VT to get me out of the city.

3. I'm glad that we moved, although I think there will always be a part of me that is a "city girl".

4. I've always been a person who has very few friends, but the ones I do have are incredibly special to me and I'd do almost anything for.

5. However, there were times when I was a kid that just for a few moments, I could see what it was like to be popular.

6. I loved school as a kid--still do, in some ways. (No wonder why I wasn't popular! LOL)

7. From the time I was about 6 or 7, I wanted to be a teacher.

8. I followed my childhood dream and got my teaching degree.

9. I never thought I'd leave teaching after only 5 years of full time work and only 10 years after getting my degree

10. Teaching is never what anyone thinks it is--even those who studied it in school. It's emotionally and psychologically draining--and so little about it has to do with actual instruction anymore--especially in the high schools, where I was at.

11. Even though I haven't lived in VT for 10 years, I still call it "home".

12. My father died when I was 23--two weeks shy of my college graduation.

13. Dad was an alcoholic.

14. This is why I rarely drink. I see what it did to him and my family--totally not worth it for me.

15. I have addictive tendencies (i.e. food), so drinking seems too risky for me.

16. As much as I miss my dad and as sad as I was when he passed away, there is a part of me that is...dare I say it...relieved for what happened. Dad's death gave my mom and I a chance to start over, in a way.

17. I still feel kinda guilty for that train of thought, though.

18. I've been married for 9 years--and this year has been the hardest by far. I'm pretty sure once we hit 10 years in July, it will feel like a major accomplishment. Marriage is work, no matter how long you've been together!

19. I didn't plan on getting married until I was 30...Jon changed that plan ;) He's the love of my life.

20. I didn't plan on becoming a mom until after I was married for 5 years...that plan changed, too! LOL

21. I thought it would be hard for me to have kids--WRONG---talk about Fertile Mertyl!

22. I've suffered through 2 ectopic pregnancies. I feel blessed every day that I'm still here and that I have two beautiful daughters in spite of my losses.

23. My family means the world to me, even when they drive me crazy sometimes.

24. I worry sometimes that I relate to one of my daughters more than the other...and what kind of impact that may have on my relationship with the other...

25. The past few months have been a huge struggle for me, as my best friend moved out of state. (see #4). I've felt a bit lost and out of sync.

26. I love the fact that I can call myself a writer.

27. It also scares me, too.

28. My favorite show is The West Wing--even though it is no where near the caliber it once was in its glory days (1999-2001)

29. My mom is one of my best friends. We've been through so much together and our bond is very strong.

30. I still worry about pleasing my mom and disappointing her--all the time.

31. I used to be a ballroom dancer, and a pretty good one, before I had kids.

32. I miss dancing like that, even after 7 years of being away from it.

33. I'm a weather and news junkie

34. I'm a Pisces.

35. I like my eyes

36. I think that I'm a pretty good writer--but sometimes am very afraid of sharing my work with others. Yeah, fear of rejection, I guess.

37. I'm not a great housekeeper, but I'm getting better at it!

38. I'm a decent cook, but love going out to eat.

39. I like to travel.

40. Well, I like to visit places--the travel part isn't so much fun.

41. Two of my favorite places to visit are Quebec City and Disney World.

42. I've never been to Europe and really don't care about that.

43. I might want to visit Ireland one day, to see where my dad's family came from.

44. I don't feel like I take enough time for myself most weeks

45. I still love watching Little House on the Prairie (it's on in the background right now!)

46. Fall is my favorite season

47. I looove italian food.

48. Chocolate ain't so bad, either.

49. I've always had a self-image problem. I don't know why. Really had no reason to...

50. There are times I wish I lived closer to my family.

51. I'm starting to think more about moving--and I'm sure it won't be closer to my family :(

52. There's a book inside of me just waiting to get out. I just need to give it the right key.

53. I was diagnosed as clincially depressed last year.

54. I've been on meds since then, and am having more good days than bad. I still struggle sometimes, though.

55. I've recently started to crochet.

56. I'm not crafty at all, so imagine my surprise that I'm doing ok with it.

57. My music tastes range widely--My iPod holds everything from classical, jazz, showtunes, hip-hop, oldies, disco, country, rap, 80s...you name it, it's on there.

58. I need a vacation really badly--14 days and counting!

59. I'm a little stressed, though, with our upcoming vacation. Travelling with two kids on a plane. A first for us.

60. I dream of winning the lottery, so that I wouldn't worry so much about money all the time.

61. I won 15 dollars in Powerball yesterday--dreams have gotta start somewhere, right?

62. I'm really looking forward to the holidays this year.

63. My favorite color is teal

64. I don't consider myself a morning person, but notice that when I get up a bit earlier than usual, I'm much more productive during the day.

65. I'm teaching myself html.

66. I'm also working on learning more about my digital camera and photography. Lots of reading, lots of picture taking.

67. I've been trying to grow my hair out for months--and I'll probably wind up chopping it all off again because my hair is too damn frizzy!

68. My dream house is a large ranch house--with everything on one floor.

69. I love my current house, but wouldn't mind redecorating some of the rooms.

70. Martha Stewart I am not, though--see #56. So, it's little bits at a time...

71. I have a goal to write 50,000 words next month.

72. I spoil myself by going to get a massage and/or facial. I'm not a girlie-girl at all, but looove being pampered.

73. I'm almost 35 and proud of it!

74. I bite my nails. I've tried to stop--hasn't worked so far.

75. My girls bite their nails and I'm trying to get them to stop, too.

76. I enjoy watching some of the silly shows my daughters watch on Nickelodeon (i.e. Drake and Josh).

77. Day lilies are my favorite flowers.

78. I enjoy Twinkies every now and then....another guilty pleasure.

79. I'm laughing at Spongebob right now. OMG, I think I've sunk to a new low.

80. I love playing video games.

81. I especially love beating Jon when playing video games.

82. Have I mentioned that I am competitive? ;)

83. I've been on an orange juice kick lately. Yummy!

84. Pizza is a food sent from the Gods.

85. Speaking of God, I'm a Roman Catholic

86. Although, I wonder sometimes if I'm in the right "religion" or if there is even such a thing.

87. I believe in God and in Jesus Christ, but there's so much I don't get about my faith.

88. The whole confession thing...I don't need a middle man to let God know I screwed up. And saying a few prayers ain't gonna make things better. I gotta take responsibility and take action for the wrongs I've committed against myself, others and God.

89. This will probably cause some interesting conflicts since Cailyn is preparing for her first confession in December. How will I answer her questions? Will I go to confession to support her?

90. Also, the decree against birth control? (*laughing hysterically*)

91. Despite my questions, I have always been fascinated with the Bible and what God's word can teach me about myself, Him and Jesus.

92. I wish I read more than I do. I read very quickly, which annoys Jon no end--but I still don't find myself reading the way I did before I had kids.

93. Jon says that I need to put in that I'm "Ultrasexy"...so, please tell him I did, ok?

94. I'm actually a little miffed that Jon read The DaVinci Code before I got to it (I promised that I'd finish last month's book club book first).

95. My favorite drink: ice cold milk

96: Frozen Mudslides are good, too! (that, along with frozen raspberry daquiri's are what I make exceptions to drinking for).

97. I didn't get my driver's license until I was 20 years old!

98. I once had a lead role in the musical "Oliver!"--as Fagin (who is very much a male!) Actually had to tape down my developing chest at the time. What artists won't do for their art, huh?

99. After almost a 10-year hiatus, I'm going to be back on the stage in about 4 weeks in "Oklahoma". I'll be playing Aunt Eller.

100. My favorite saying when things get tense: "It just doesn't matter!"

*New!* Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about ME The ol' body has finally said "Gimme a break". I've come down with a lovely head cold. Compounded with the yearly bout of seasonal allergies/asthma and my monthly visitor, this week has been a bummer. Feeling better today, but have basically done nothing...which makes me feel on edge. I am participating in the 2005 NaNoWriMo competition. (you'll see the neat little icon under my profile). What is NaNoWriMo? I think it's another word for insanity, but, in reality it's a group of people who sign up to commit to writing 50,000 in a month. Yes, you read that correctly--50,000 words. I have no assignments due in November, so I thought this might be a good way for me to just say "to hell with my perfectionism--JUST WRITE, DAMN IT!". I'm not sure how I'm gonna make the goal, since I'm on vacation the first week and have musical performances in the second week, but I'm going for it. Interested in finding out more about this crazy adventure? Click on this link www.nanowrimo.org Two weeks from today, I'll be getting ready to pick the family up for our overnight trip to Boston and then on to Orlando, FL early the next day out of Logan. Cailyn has packed already (I'm afraid to see what's in her suitcase). I have my lists, but haven't started packing just yet. The goal: pack lightly and leave the kitchen sink at home LOL I'm 5 foot, 6 inches tall I have red hair--and the disposition that goes with it--sometimes...Used to hate my hair color, but now I love it. Although, the natural curls are a mixed blessing. Fall is my favorite season. "Sweater weather" I like to call it. As one who hates extreme heat and extreme cold, this time of year is ideal!!! Been having strange dreams about babies lately. NO NO--I'm not pregnant nor do I want another one--besides, Jon and I have officially removed ourselves from the gene pool. We have two healthy girls and after losing to pgs, well...I don't see the need to risk my life..Besides, the two I have are plenty of handful for us. So, been trying to figure out what the hell this dream means.. I have plans to make some of my Xmas gifts this year, but can't seem to get any of the crochet projects started correctly--having to pull out the rows. Probably due to lack of attention, I'm sure... My favorite color is teal--has been forever, I think... I'm going to be 35 in March and I have no fear or shame in it. However, I am noticing more lines and quite a bit more grey hair...which is NOT fun. My daughters are showing excellent taste in music. As I drove them to swim lessons at the YWCA yesterday, I had my iPod plugged into my car stereo. Queen's "We Will Rock You/We are the Champions" came on and there are my two princesses in the back seat, fists in the air and singing right along. ;) No bubblegum teenybop stuff for them---ok, well, they like Britney Spears' Baby One More Time (which is also on my iPod *ducks for cover* A guilty pleasure; I confess!) I'm having a craving for chinese food--Thursdays seem to be the day that we order chinese--don't know why. At first it was just a coincidence we noticed back when Jon and I were without kids...Since the kids, we haven't done it as much, but every once in a while, the mood will strike--and it's always on a Thursday. Weird. I drive a Grand-Am. Used to have a Mini-Van, but when the time came to get a newer car, I decided I wanted a car that I could still take the kids in, but look kinda cool in, too. Shallow, yep...but, I love my ride. Now, if I could only get the kids to stop filling it up with their crap! Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. Momma K's 13 2. Distant Shore's 13 (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

New study re-ignites debate over child care - Nightly News with Brian Williams - MSNBC.com

New study re-ignites debate over child care - Nightly News with Brian Williams - MSNBC.com The child care debate rages on and I have to start wondering what the real purpose behind all of this is. According to experts (whatever that is), the best interest of the children are at the core of this battle. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for that. I'm even willing to go so far as to say that many of the results from studies such as the one mentioned above are worthwhile. Ultimately, though, what comes out of studies like this is further backlash against working moms--and this is what pisses me off no end. To reduce study results down to the level where people can't point fingers and say, "This is what causes kids to have problems" tries to tie a complicated issue into a nice, neat little package. If only we could point to one (or even just a few things) and say, "THIS" is what has the greatest impact on our children, parents across the world would rejoice and declare a national holiday. Unfortunately, that's never going to happen, because we're talking about people here, who come from a variety of backgrounds and family situations. There is no way to find one or just a few common denominators. Childcare has become a necessity. Many (if not most) parents put their kids in child care because they have to, not because they want to kick back and let someone else raise their kids. In today's economic climate, a two income family has changed from a luxury to the only way many of them can afford to keep a roof over their heads, food on the table and clothes on their back. The effects of childcare should be studied--as a parent, I want to know what the system is doing, overall, to look out for the welfare of my child. However, those results should not be swung back at me to make me feel like I'm breaking the first commandment of good parenting. The results should be studied by parents, teachers and those in the government to see how the childcare system can be improved and what ways can be implemented to better support parents and teachers of children who are in our care. I am a parent who has had the fortune of seeing both sides of this issue: Cailyn is the product of being in daycare full time until she went to school. Erin was in day cares off and on for a while, and then I stayed home with her until she started preschool this year. I can use Cailyn as an example of how to disprove many of the assertions made in this study. At the risk of sounding like a biased mom, I won't go into all of them. The bottom line is that, for Cailyn, daycare was a blessing. She got to interact with children her own age, got to know other adults in her life besides her father and myself, began to understand structure and rules in a group setting and had opportunities to go places and see things that I probably wouldn't have had the chance to share with her. Erin had a hard time fitting into her first daycare, but once we found the right place for her, she blossomed as well. Currently, she is in full time preschool and adores it. Every child is different, just as every day care is different. A good match is hard to find, and that is our responsiblity, as parents, to really go out there and do the research if a child has to go into daycare. Finding a good match could possibly alleviate a number of the problems cited in this study. Better funding (especially where government mandates are concerned), and more community and family involvement are other potential solutions. These are the things that should be addressed. Instead, many areas of the media and various child experts would rather focus on the results only and stress how bad it is for kids to be in daycare. Yes, there are problems, but they aren't with the parents who have to rely on others to help care of their children while they work to pay the bills. Our problem is much larger than that: it's a society that finds it easier to make judgements than find solutions.

What's going on in 5 minutes or less

Before I blow out the door to head to my daughter's classroom for volunteering, I thought I'd give a brief update on how life in Maine has been going. Since it's been a while since my last post, it will come as little surprise that things have been busy. 1. Jon was called out of town--again!--for training in Cinci. Girls and I are enjoying our "Mom and Daughters week". He'll be returning late Friday night. 2. My new theme song should be "On the Road Again" (if you're reading this, Mom, I know I'm stealing it from you, but too bad!!! LOL). Between volunteering at Cailyn's school, lessons for the girls (swim/gymnastics), musical rehearsal for me and travel for work, I seem to be out of the house more than in it lately. 3. Despite the fact that we're never home, the house still seems to get and stay messy. Incredible...and unfair, really. 4. I'm working on a plan to rid the house of the junk that makes it messy...and blowing up the place isn't it (my insurance company wouldn't take too kindly to that...). There are millions of people who keep a great looking house--just wish that I could, too. 5. The TV experiment keeps on going! Weekends are pretty much a free-for-all, but even then, the kids are watching less of it. The weekdays are still going well: then again, we're not home very much during the week, so that is a huge help to me! LOL 6. Got an email last night from the editor of Toy Shop magazine, whom I queried about publishing a reprint of an article I wrote on a miniature toy soldier collector here in Freeport. He loved the story and has accepted my proposal. All that's left is signing the contract, taking a few pictures of my subject and his collection and sending it in!! My first "national magazine" and from what I can see, it has a substantial following, too. I'm tapping on the glass ceiling of magazines, folks. 7. Will be pretty busy for the paper over the next few weeks/months. Re-starting my gaming series, which is what I won my award for a few weeks ago. Between that and special sections, I should have work through the holidays. 8. I do plan on submitting a short story to a contest in December...no luck on my last contest entry, but that won't stop me. 9. I've gone past my five minute mark, but actually sitting down to write feels pretty good, so I think I'll keep going! LOL 10. We're leaving for Orlando in 3 weeks! I cannot wait!! More details on that, soon! Ok, I do need to go...I have to be at the school in 10 minutes! Until later, me

New Pictures

We took the girls on a picnic yesterday. Fall is finally starting to make an appearance. It's my favorite time of the year. Comfortable days, cool nights. Perfection. So, we got out to enjoy the day. Hard to believe looking at this picture that they can fight so much. Sisterhood.... Jon and Erin had some fun on the swings. I absolutely love this shot of Cailyn. I managed to catch her between her primping and preening to get a picture that really captures her.

Surprise, Surprise...

I mentioned last post that I've been dragging my feet lately when I comes to my writing...self-doubt, fears, etc. Won't get into the whole thing. Jump to today: I read in the online version of the Sun Journal that the paper won 43 Maine Press Association awards. "Cool!" I think and then decide to go to the MPA website to see who won (and mostly how many of them I know! LOL). So, I click to the site and scroll over/down to this: Click here and then scroll down to the first Weekend 1 listing (under Arts/Lifestyle story) There, among names I know and respect, I saw MY NAME! WTF?? I stared for at least a minute or two, thinking, "I'm seeing things." I called Jon and asked him to tell me what he saw. Indeed, it was my name. He asked if I even knew about the nomination. I had to stop and think for a moment. Eventually, I remembered that Ursula, one of my editors, did tell me months ago that she would be submitting one of my story packages...kinda said, "Whatever" and didn't think much of it... Until today. This development has caused me to stop and think...I'm not sure what to think about the award--3rd place is incredible and I'm so humbled...and wonder how the heck my name got there among these people that I know... Unless, I really am a writer--this is no fluke. Maybe I need to start acting like it, huh?

Catching Up

Today feels like one of those catch up days. You know, those days when you know you've let things go a little and suddenly there's this "Oh, Shit!" moment that drags you kicking and screaming back into reality. Lots of little things to catch up on today, and my blog was one of them, so here I am. My updates will be in no particular order; if I wander aimlessly, I accept it and admit it wholeheartedly. 1. The Experiement Update: It's been about two weeks since the start of my great "limit TV" experiment. A few of you have asked how's it turned out. Believe it or not, we're still going pretty strong. The weekends are hard, because there is just so much for time to plan around; so Jon and I are working on fixing that. However, during the week, I must say that the girls are watching about a 1/4 of the TV they were before school started. Between their lessons, and the other things I've been planning, they just don't have the time to watch it. But, when they do, they truly enjoy it now. (as do I, for the break). They are also a lot more subdued than they were when they were just sitting in front of the tv all afternoon. Could some of those studies be true about how tv affects kids? I'm not jumping fully onto that bandwagon, just yet, but I do notice some changes in the girls. This is especially true at bedtime. Before, the girls would watch tv right up until bedtime, and then getting them down to bed was a chore because they were bouncing all over the place, didn't want to turn the thing off, etc. But, now, the tv goes off a 1/2 hour before Erin's bedtime and what a difference it's made. Oh, there are still some nights that are a challenge, but overall (I'd say about 80% of the time), Cailyn and Erin settled down much quicker than before, and are getting to sleep a little earlier--which makes them less grumpier in the morning. Thank heaven for small miracles. I have been running ragged, though, by keeping the girls entertained and not giving into the temptation of letting them watch what they want/when they want it. So far, then, I'd have to say the Experiment has been rather successful. Who'd a thunk it? 2. With all of this work being a mom, I haven't had a lot of time for writing. Jon was gone most of last week, so that left precious little time. And, once I get out of the habit of doing something, it can be so hard to climb back in the saddle. Still, I'm determined to keep at it. 3. I've been taking Ambien for quite a while--when I started my antidepressants, actually, it's been almost a year. Insomnia runs in my family like a race horse, and since I became a mom for the second time, it finally caught up with me. After a couple of years of suffering with little sleep, I caved in and got some help. The Ambien has worked well, but lately, I've noticed that I'm very groggy in the morning and it takes me a long time to bounce back. So, I quit taking the meds--cold turkey. Supposedly, this is supposed to make me do some wacky shit. While I have had some wacky dreams, and some up and down nights, overall, I've been fine. I'm pretty tired right now, but last night was the first decent night's sleep I've had in days. Maybe I can do it without the drugs. The antidepressant, well, that's another story. Let's not be hasty about that ;) 4. More pictures from me: As I was coming home from an interview/photo shoot over the weekend, I drove up a hill in the "extremely nice" (i.e.: rich) part of Auburn. As I crested the hill, a sight caught my eye that I just had to stop and get: This is a view of Lewiston, Maine, Auburn's "twin city". I can say with relative certainty that those who live (or have lived) in this area would tell you that Auburn is the nicer of the two, for a variety of reasons. Lewiston is trying to make a comeback, though, both economically and visually. Still, when I saw this view of Lewiston, I couldn't believe how beautiful she looked from my vantage point. Guess it goes to show that beauty is all about from where you look. Looking at this shot, I think the city has some potential... Maybe I need to go around to other places in my hometown and see what beauty is out there. It's so easy to take things for granted. Ok, enough soapbox from me...I gotta get busy! Have a great day all!

The Last Rose of Summer

I believe this will be the last bloom on my rosebush until next year. When I got home from dropping the girls off at school, it was too beautiful to just walk by--so, I figured instead of just stopping to smell the roses, I'd capture it so I could hold onto it for more than just a few days. Same bloom below, except I'm playing with shadows, settings and color (or lack thereof, in this case). I have a confession to make about my roses. Friends who have seen my roses this year (and in years before) have asked what my secret is. Heck, I was even hired to ghostwrite an ebook on growing roses. ME! My secret: ignore the blasted things. Nature is a fascinating thing. Jon and I have tried to grow other flowers in this side area of the house--everything dies. The rose bushes we planted, though, have grown bigger and heartier every year. We cut them back in the winter or early spring. We don't cover them. We don't water them. We don't feed them. Heck, we don't even weed that much.They grow like the dickens. I think it's Mother Nature's way of reminding us poor schmucks that she doesn't need our help. After writing over 80 pages on the history and care of roses, I figure out that I could have summed it up in three words. Leave Them Alone. Somehow, I doubt that would have sold very well, though.

The Experiment

This could be the true test that determines whether or not I need a nice little trip to a room without a view and has rubber walls in a nice shade of pink... The insanity of the last few weeks of summer brought to light a number of things about how things in our home are going. I noticed that both of my children were watching a lot of tv and while my husband and I spent time with the girls, it wasn't quality time. Also, Cailyn and Erin, who once knew how to occupy themselves other than watching the boob tube, decided that it was better to argue over who was watching what rather than playing. The end of the summer came and with school starting, it seemed like the best time to try a different approach to life in the Rossiter house. Some may see it as micrmanaging, but for now at least, I consider it simply some much needed structure. The experiment is limiting my girls to only an hour and a half of tv a day--combined. Most days, it shouldn't be too hard, as Cailyn has lessons twice a week and Erin once (Wednesdays/Fridays). That will keep the majority of the school week busy. That still leaves three days of the week to keep my two active daughters from killing each other and driving me nuts. ;) So, in true planning form, I've come up with how our afternoons are going to go for the next few weeks: From 3:30 to 4 the girls can watch TV when they have their snack. At 4:00 we either play a game, do an activity/craft or go out (park, library, etc). By 5, we're back and making dinner. After dinner, the girls have their hour--then it's tv time for their hour. By 7, Cailyn has HW time and Erin gets ready for Bed By 8, Erin is asleep and Cailyn gets ready for bed Lastly, it's reading time for Jon, me and Cailyn. Bedtime for Cailyn at 8:30 It sounds pretty simple, but it isn't easy to break old habits. Still, it's been a week and we've managed ok. Jon's in Tennessee for the week, so I'm on my own. Sigh...bad timing to get this up and going. How will The Experiment turn out? Check back and see how we survive with only a fraction of the tv that we're used to. :)

School Days, School Days

Over the past few days, it probably appeared as though I was more than excited for the girls to start school. Ecstatic may be the better word, but there are a variety of reasons, other than the obvious that I will now have the house to myself for six hours a day. However, while I may have been ecstatic for this blessed day, I believe that Cailyn and Erin were bordering on the hysterical. Getting them to sleep last night was a challenge and they were so hyped out that, believe it or not, getting them out the door wasn't so easy, either. Still, we had time to do the traditional first day of school pictures.... First, I wanted to go back and see the pics from the past few years of this--just of Cailyn of course. Here's what I found... August 2003: Cailyn's First Day of Kindergarten. Looking all school-girl in her sweater and plaid skirt, Cailyn was just thrilled to have the backpack and Barbie lunchbox. This is the big time! September 1, 2004 "Mom, I'm a big kid now..." With outfit picked out weeks before hand and a new pair of glasses (which, of course, she's not wearing in the picture), Cailyn announced the she was growing up--as if I couldn't tell from just looking at her. As I took this shot, I had flashes of middle school--and shuddered. I had to remember she was only going into the first grade... August 31, 2005: Sassy Second Grader. I have to say that is one of the prettiest "non professional" shots of Cailyn I've seen. She granted my wish of no fooling around during the quick pictures I took this morning. When I saw the picture after dropping her off, I was floored at what a lovely young lady she's becoming. August 31, 2005: Erin's FIRST day of school. Some may not see preschool as the real deal, but around here, it is. This is the first of many years of school pictures for my "baby". She had just taken a tumble before the shot, while trying to put her backpack on (remarkably, it only had a change of clothes and isn't as heavy as it looks). Still, she took a tumble in her excitement and got her feathers ruffled a bit. So, she still looks a bit upset in this shot. August 31, 2005: School Day Sisters Their excitement is so obvious here. Picture pretty much says it all. Both were dropped off without incident, by either myself or them!!! Parents will mulling about both at elementary school and preschool. Cailyn's teacher already had work on their desk to get them started (as a former teacher, I have to say, I like her style) and Erin basically put her items in her cubby, found the puzzle table and told me to get lost--not literally, but close enough. No tears for any of us. A huge relief. And, no skid marks on the pavement as I pulled the car away ;)

Some new pictures--Updated on Monday

First and foremost, I know I mentioned this here yesterday, but please, please, send out your prayers, well wishes or whatever good vibes you can to the people that will be affected by Hurricane Katrina. Even for a weather freak like me, this shit is scary stuff. Of course, I'll be watching before I go to bed to see the latest, but with winds over 160 mph, this storm means business. I just hope that everyone down there can get to somewhere safe. Ok, I've been taking a bunch of shots of the girls over the past few weeks playing. One of the things I'm learning as a budding photographer is to try to catch the little ones in thier element; this supposedly makes a better picture than posed ones. Personally, I have to agree with that, since whenever I try to either Cailyn or Erin to stand still for a shot, it's either impossible because they move or they make stupid faces. Anyway, here's some of the shots I've taken--see what you think: I caught Cailyn as she was climbing up on the playset. Didn't give her enough time to look silly. This picture says a lot about her. A bundle of contradictions: playful, yet serious; young in age, old in soul. No, I didn't put the girls in jail. They kept running back and forth on this grating on the playset, and I thought, "Hmm, could be an interesting shot. Came out looking like a prison photo--but, I think it's still kinda cool. Plus, they thought it was a riot. This is exactly what I'm talking about above. If they know the camera is there, this is what I usually get. Ah, yes, the genteel Rossiter girls. I liked the shadows and light on this one--and I decided to convert it to black and white--made a huge difference!

A Weather Geek's Dream...

As those who are close to me know, I inherited a keen interest in weather from my father. Up until he died, Dad loved to listen to local weather, to keep track of the ever-changing weather in Vermont. When I was a kid, I gave him shit for it. Now, he's passed it on in some evil form of revenge from the after-life. For those of you who live down South, I really hope that Hurricane Katrina doesn't turn out to be as bad as they say. Needless to say, when one of these storms comes a knockin', I love tracking it and seeing its life-cycle. During one of my regular checks of weather.com, I discovered that they now have a blog! Let us have a moment of reverence, please LOL. Yes, I know I'm a freak... Seriously, my thoughts and prayers are with those in Louisiana, Mississippi and Florida. The closest I've come to a hurricane was twice: the first when I was a kid and a hurricane (I believe it was David in 1979) came through NY and then another one came through and actually reached Vermont when I was a freshman in college. We stood on our balcony and felt the wind and rain whip across campus. Of course, by the time it hit the mountains, it was nothing compared to what it had been when it made landfall originally--still, for Vermont, it was a big deal. Other than my dad's interest, I'd have to say that my border-line obsession with the weather began when I lived in Ohio. I discovered rather quickly that there are storms of an entirely differently breed. Weather changed suddenly in Vermont sometimes, but at least I didn't have to worry about twisters falling out of the sky at less than a moment's notice. Thunder was biblical in volume out there in the flatlands, wall-shaking and cause ya to hide under the bed loud. It took me years back on the East coast to get over my "thunderstormaphobiia". But, the weather monitoring has stuck and now, I actually have friends who will consult me for the updates. Maybe that's a clue that I need to get out a little more. And when I do get around to going out, at least I'll know whether or not I'll need an umbrella!

Everything (ok, not really) that you wanted to know about me...

A blatant rip-off of Sheri's last blog post. Nothing like a little "me-me" to get that self absorption out of the way! Still, these were some of the better questions I've seen in these things: 1. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at? It depends on what kind of mirror. If it's a "regular" mirror, it's usually my eyes. They can always reveal how I'm feeling: tired, happy, sassy... If it's a full-length mirror, it's the lower half of my body--which I then turn away from because I hate it!!! 2. How much cash do you have on you right now? Nothing. I'm in my pj's! But, I think I have about a buck fifty in my pants pocket. Jon raided the money earlier to get some fresh veggies down the street. 3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"? ingest 4. Favorite plant? Lilac Bushes 5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? No idea; I rarely check the thing...but, if I had to guess, it would be one of the Athletic Directors from the schools I had to do photo shoots at this past week. 6. What is your main ring tone on your phone? Handel's "Spring" from The Four Seasons. (used to be "The West Wing" theme, until we switched phones and now I can't get it!!! Damn, damn, damn! But, I keep lookin' and prayin'! ha ha ha) 7. What shirt are you wearing? My favorite comfy nightshirt. Light blue, well wash-worn, lavender and blue butterflies. It looks silly but feels great on! 8. Do you "label" yourself? Yes, constantly. 9. Name brand of your shoes currently wearing? Right now, I'm barefoot. But, I just bought a pair of New Balance sneakers (actually, two pairs--big sale at the mall: Buy one get one 50% off. I usually buy cheap-ass sneakers, but Jon finally convinced me to get some decent sneaks). 10. Do you prefer a bright or dark room? Darker is better, if I'm looking to relax. But, if I'm working, it needs to be kinda bright... 11. What did you have for breakfast? A bowl of Honey Combs and some raisin toast. 12. Since question 12 is weirdly missing, make some shit up. Holy crap, I didn't know I'd have to be creative with this? WTF? Ok, My favorite drink is a frozen mudslide (yeah, sissy drink) and I've never been drunk in my life. 13. What were you doing at midnight last night? In bed with a man who's core temperature must be 20 degrees colder than mine---he's cold, I'm hot!! But, at least he was giving me a back rub! 14. What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say? Don't do text messaging on my cell. Shit, I'm still bad at talking and driving sometimes (I know! Bad Marie!) Can you image the damage I'd do trying to type and drive? Come on! 15. Do you ever click on "Pop Ups" or Banners? Nope 16. What's an expression that you say a lot? "Ya think?" (thanks to West Wing, again...) 17. Who told you they loved you last? Cailyn, as I was tucking her into bed. 18. Last furry thing you touched? Hmmmmm........ 19. How many hours a week do you work? Too many to count. I'd get too depressed, even with working from home. 20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? Zero. Got me a nice digital camera and haven't looked back. 21. Favorite age you have been so far? I'd have to say 23 for too many things I can't mention in a me-me. 22. Your worst enemy? Myself 23. What is your current desk top picture? Photo I took of a sunset across the street from my house. It was the first picture I took and said, "Hmm, maybe there's something to this photography thing..." 24. What was the last thing you said to someone? "Have you heard from our sitter if she's watching Erin on Sunday?" 25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to go back in time and fix all your mistakes which would you choose? I'd probably say the money, because there's no way I could, or even want to change, all of the mistakes I've made. Without those mistakes, I wouldn't be the person I am today. And, while somedays I think that might not be a bad thing, when I stop to think about it, I have to admit that I'm an interesting person.