The Perks of My Job...

I've been writing for my area's largest newspaper for over three years now. During that time, I never called in any favors to get special access to events in the area. There are two good reasons for that.

1. It's friggin' Auburn, Maine. How many big concert or theatrical events pass through this metropolis? The closest "hotspot" is Portland, which is approximately 30 minutes away. Still, Portland isn't quite a must see for many famous acts.

2. I have no life. Really.

On the rare occasion where something is happening, I'm too stupid to realize that I can tap into my "vast resources" and try to get behind the scenes. The one classic example is the time I went to see the Boston Pops in Augusta two Decembers ago. For years, I've been a huge fan of the orchestra's conductor, Keith Lockhart. It wasn't until the day of the concert that my friend (who got the tickets for us) asked:

Hey, why didn't you get a press pass or something? You could have gone backstage!

I'm not sure I could have gotten a pass or even access, but the fact that I didn't even think about it raised my awareness of how dumb I can be at times. In the end, though, it was a good thing I didn't get backstage. I had just switched meds for my depression, so things were a little--uh, off kilter. Oh, and I had thrown my back and was taking back meds, which I had a violent reaction to about 10 minutes into the performance. If I had been granted a brief meeting, it probably would have turned out a little like this:

Publicity manager for Civic Center: Mr. Lockhart, this is the reporter we told you about. She just has a few questions for you before you go onstage.

Me: (drooling and half coherent) Smifnu greebok

Keith has me physically removed and my ass winds up in the parking lot in 15 below winds

Things turn out certain ways for a reason.

So, when I discovered in September that another act was coming to town --Lewiston to be exact!--on the first weekend of November, I sprang into action! I made some calls, arranged for an article for our paper, got publicity clearance, scored a personal interview via phone and got the grand prize...tickets and a backstage meeting! I felt pretty damn impressed with myself and my "connections".

So, after 3 years of hard work, here is the fruit of my labors:



My kids had a blast...

This time, Doodleboops, next time The Stones....

Maine: the way life SHOULDN'T be

When the phone rings at my house, we usually have a pretty good idea of who could be on the other end. Jon and I understand that we're not exactly what most people would call popular. Hey, I'd rather have good friends than a lot of lame ones, so I don't feel too badly about our social situation. So, when we get a call, there's a good bet that it's one of the following.
1. My mom 2. His parents 3. My best friend 4. Jon's work
Other friends will call, but the list above is pretty comprehensive. We do screen our calls because while we love most of the people on that list, there are just times that neither of us feel like talking to the family and many times that Jon simply doesn't want to put in more than the 80+ hours he already works.
This weekend, the phone rang quite a bit; Jon is starting a new project at work. As a result, when it rang late yesterday morning, we had a good idea who it was. Jon told me to answer it and tell whomever it was from the plant that he wasn't home. (Yeah, my DH asks ME to LIE for him!! Imagine that!) I grabbed the phone:
Me: (sounding a bit pissy because we were about to head out with the girls) Hello?
Voice: Yes, is Erin there, please?
Me: (looking at receiver in annoyance) Erin is my 4 year old daughter...can I help you?

Voice: Oh, uh...yes. This is Officer "Joe" with the Auburn Police Department. Oh man...um...Are you missing a purse by any chance?
Me: (staring at my wallet) I don't think so.
Officer: Well, Miss Rossiter, we have in our possession a purse that had a receipt indicating you daughter had a haircut last week.
Me: (starting to get a little freaked) Ok....
Officer: We believe that items may be missing from your car. You may not even know, yet.
(By this time, Jon and my mom, who is visiting for the weekend, are looking at me like I'm nuts. I mouth that I'm on with the cops. Naturally, they want to know what the police want with my kid. I mean,I know she can be a handful, but a police record at age 4 is a little much...)
Me: Uh....ok.
Officer: You should probably go outside and check. Then, just give me a call back, ok? Here's my number.
I hang up the phone, relay the info to my husband and my mother, who go outside to check.
My ipod: gone Erin's DVD player: gone Jon's CDs/DVDs, My CDs, some of Mom's CDs: gone Glove compartments ransacked, etc.
Son of a bitch....
I grew up in the NYC suburbs, so I've never considered myself some country hayseed who believes that bad shit doesn't happen. But, I guess I am more trusting than I thought because the cars were unlocked. Free Access Everyone!!!
God, what a dumbass I am.
My first reaction was shock. Then, I burst into tears: a combination of anger, fear,regret and, ultimately, violation.
Mom and Jon both said not to blame myself. Even my mom, who works for the friggin' NYS Corrections Dept managed to leave her door unlocked (something she NEVER does).
As of today, almost 40 complaints have been lodged with the APD.
Trying to explain to my 8 year old and my 4 year old why some people are assholes and rip other people off was fun. I think they were more freaked out by my crying than anything else. But, eventually, the reality sunk in.
Even in Maine, a state with a slogan of "Life: the way it should be", trust is a fleeting thing.
Things are replaceable. It's not the end of the world that an ipod or dvd player is gone.
Having to get into my car this morning and knowing that some strange, sick bastard(s) were pawing through my stuff and my kids' stuff is an experience that just shouldn't be.
Was I wrong to leave the car unlocked--yup. I learned my lesson.
It's still wrong that we were violated like that.
Earlier today, there was a knock at my door (which was carefully locked, btw). A local news crew shows up and asks if I'm willing to talk with them. This wasn't how I wanted my 15 minutes of fame. But, if it helps others learn the lesson of trust, but be wary, then I'll stand up in front of 5 cameras.
Among other things, I was asked if this event has changed my thoughts on the neighborhood. I don't recall how I answered exactly, but it was pretty close to this:
"No, it doesn't change my thought on this neighborhood at all. Just society, in general."

An important Public Service Announcement...

This is your brain on grass...

This is your brain about to get stomped on by giant, maniacal 8 year old.
Any questions??





This damn thing was growing on our lawn. Cailyn pointed it out the other day when we pulled into the driveway. "MOMMY!" she annouces so quietly and calmly. "THERE'S A GIANT MUSHROOM ON OUR LAWN!"

Sure, honey...

In my defense, my kids can weave a tall tale like few others I know. As a result, some days it's hard to tell when their stories are factual reports or just a crock of shit.

Well, apparently Mother Nature took a chapter out of Carroll's Alice in Wonderland and planted it right in my yard. After my daughter's repeated insistence, I went to check out the thing after dinner.

Me: (examining the toxic waste 'shroom) Holy shit, Jon! Come check it out!
Jon: (comes out front door and stares downward) That's.....
Me: (swears it's throbbing at her feet) a brain! Look at it!!!
(Jon laughs it off at first, but upon closer inspection gets a look of slight horror and recognition)
Jon: Well, that' where I left it....

Jon wanted to know if we should get rid of it.

"Hell, yeah! Before it consumes our home and sucks out our brains for nourishment!" I shout. Ok, so maybe I do know where my kids get the talent of exaggeration...

Big, strong, brave DH goes to the back porch to get a shovel. We figured that it would just break apart when he dug it up. Instead, it comes out fully intact...

You see why I was a little concerned?

Jon lifted it on the shovel and tossed it among the brush between us and our neighbors. We heard a loud thud and I swear the ground shook a little...

"Well," Jon says. "There goes a month's worth of salad for ya, babe."

For a moment, I thought of rooting in the shrubs for the wild vegetable...the Fryeburg Fair is coming up and I think I would have had a great chance at a blue ribbon.

We return to your regularly scheduled program...

I've returned from a month-long, unintentional break from the blog. Apparently, having two children at home for the summer cuts into computer time. Fortunately, they go back to school a week from today. Seven more days of being the entertainment coordinator/referee 24 hours a day.

I shouldn't complain, though. Overall, the girls have been good. They haven't killed each other, nor have I had to offer an offspring sacrifice to the summer gods. Between that and not having to up my meds, I consider that a success.

We just returned from a 10-day road trip to New York, Ohio and Vermont. Over the next few days, I'll share some of our "adventures" from our vacation. From the visit with the in-laws, to weddings and firedancers, and even to our run in with a fleabag hotel, it was a week and a half of ups and downs.

I was hoping for a "vacation from our vacation" this week. However, once the people I've freelanced for in the past discovered that not only was I back from vacation, but also that the girls were soon returning to school, they decided that it was high time I got off my lazy ass and got back to work after taking the summer "off". LOL So, work has kept me running the past 3 days. And, honestly, I'm glad. I've missed it.

Speaking of work, I need to get back to it. I'll try to post story #1 from our trip later on today. :)

Blogger is MESSED UP

Ok, so an entry I wrote practically 2 weeks ago just popped up and posted. WTF???
Gotta love Blogger, don't ya?

A Grand Fourth!

We had a really nice day for the 4th holiday. Jon and I managed to get the girls to the beach for a few hours in the morning--not very crowded, to our amazement. The hazy/cloudy weather must have kept the lake-lovers away.
Then, we had a small cookout at our house. It was just us and one other family. Had a nice time just relaxing and staying away from the crowds. They had to go home early, so it was just the four of us for the annual fireworks. Again, we avoid the crowds at the park/bridge by going to Goff Hill, which gets closed down every July 4th, and get a great view of the fireworks over part of the city.
Here are a few pics that show what I thought made the 4th so great!
Cailyn and Erin with the Portland Sea Dogs' mascot, Slugger. The home team got spanked good, but we had a great time at our first ballgame!








I caught the family just as the first rockets launched. Both the girls loved the fireworks this year!








I didn't have the tripod, so the fireworks shots were only so-so, but here's one of the explosions.








Fortunately, my darling husband understands how much I love Keith Lockhart (oops, I mean the Boston Pops Orchestra). Although Jon loves to tease me about it, he's a good sport. But, seriously, the man in this picture makes watching an orchestra sheer bliss! I had the good fortune to see him live during a holiday tour in Augusta. I was crippled with pain from a bad reaction to (get this) pain meds for my back, but I didn't care. I sat on a metal bleacher for 2 hours, but I didn't care!!! One day, I'm going to see him again--without pain! LOL Then, I'll be able to truly express my deep appreciation for "fine music". For now, I had to settle for an hour long show on CBS, which was disappointing because the telecast used to be on cable and ran over 2 hours! Network TV hacked the show to pieces and a lot of the charm was lost, not even considering the lack of airtime for my music man...:( Still, some Keith is better than none. Hope everyone had a booming Fourth!

A music freak...

Yeah, I confess to be a lyric freak. This is one of the more challenging 80's quizzes I've taken. I scored a 115.5--not bad! Those of you who share my affinity for all things 80's go check it out and see how you do!

Bad Moon Rising

Last night, as a celebration for Cailyn finally riding a bike without training wheels, the family decided to head down to the local ice cream stand. Dairy Joy lives up to its name: any place that mixes soft serve chocolate and coffee ice cream is #1 on my list. This place is THE place people go in our town to satisfy their sweet tooth. Even when it's raining, there are at least a few people there. On a night like last night, where all of us here in Maine could finally climb out of the ark, the line stretches to the curb.

The girls were playing (read: causing a commotion) nearby and Jon and I waited in one of the lines. We picked the shortest line, which meant that we waited the longest because the shortest line is always the slowest. As I'm trying to balance my short attention span between deciding how much damage I'm going to do towards staying on the weight loss track and making sure my kids don't get run over by a car, Jon taps me on the shoulder.

"Hon, you gotta check that guy out over there," he whispers, pointing to some young guy who thinks he's an authentic hippie or dippie, I don't know which. I thought Jon was mocking the sad excuse of a leather vest he was wearing.

"No, check out the jeans," he corrects me.

For a split second, I wonder why my husband is checking out some strange guy's jeans. It turns out he wasn't looking at the jeans, but the guy's ass.

Literally.

Just to the right side of the middle seam of this guy's jeans is a rip. Not just a little hole or tear, but a huge gaping hole. Which showed off this guy's NAKED ass.

Unfortunately, I can't make this stuff up.

Ripped jeans may be back in style, but I think there should be some sort of guideline that if someone wants to put a big-ass hole in the seat of his pants, he MUST make sure that it doesn't show his big, hairy ass.

First of all, there were kids there. I don't know many kids who have the restraint to not go "OH MY GOD, MOM! YOU CAN TOTALLY SEE HIS BUTT!" Last night, we were lucky, because ice cream is a pretty good distractor. Second, we're all there to eat; who wants to see this guy's full moon rising up over our horizon.

I managed to keep my reaction to a few snickers and no one else said anything, either--probably because who wants to admit they are looking at his rear end?

What I want to know is this: why would someone think this is a good fashion choice? There was no way he didn't know his jeans were like that. There was a good stiff wind last night and I'm sure the breeze was blowing around freely in there. So, there's common sense rule #1 out the window: "I know my jeans have a hole large enough for a Mack Truck to pass through, but I'll wear them anyway." This brain-trust then takes the flying leap to: "Dude! I have an idea! I'm not only going to wear this 'hole-y jeans', but also wouldn't it be great to go commando, too?!!! Oh, yeah!!! Rock on!"

Maybe he had just taken a shower and decided to air-dry. I don't know. I really don't care, either. If I want to see naked butts, I have pay-per-view for that.

It almost ruined a good hot fudge sundae, and no one takes that away from me.

Weigh-In Thursday (last update...)

Oh, don't worry. I'm not quitting. I just have started a specific blog for my WLJ (weight loss journey). I've gone back and forth about this for a while and decided that I don't want to make this blog all about that part of my life. But, I think that this journey needs to be documented. So, if you're interested in what's going on with my weight loss, and also reading my [opinionated] thoughts about being fat, what it takes to stay successful at this battle, and even watch as I trip up now and then, you can check it all out here:

http://www.lifeisjourneymarie.blogspot.com
Anyway, my final WL update for this blog is a good one. Today I hit my 30 lb. lost mark! Ten weeks ago, 30 pounds seemed like an impossible task. But, obviously, it can be done. I wonder what the next 10 weeks will bring?? It will be the week of August 13th and I believe we'll be in Ohio for Jon's brother's wedding (which is something for another post) and visiting friends out there. Maybe I'll get to be able buy a new dress for the occassion, hm??

Open Connections

For about a week now, Cailyn, my 8 y.o. has been asking for her own blog. She has never taken an interest in the internet before, although she knows about it; how could she not, since Mom practically lives there many days! LOL But, the request came out of the blue for me and Jon and we've taken our typical parental strategy: ignoring it and hoping it will go away.

That strategy hasn't worked this time. I guess the kid is catching on to us.

At dinnertime last night, Jon and I drilled her with questions about why she wants a blog. In language so concise that any writer would be jealous, she gave this reason first:

"Because."

That's usually my line when she asks why she should do something. Nothing like turning my words back on me.

We sat down with her and explained all about internet safety. She's a smart girl, but she is only 8, and I certainly don't want her putting out any information on the net that is dangerous to her or to our family. I mean, we're not in the witness protection program, but have any of you seen those Dateline episodes where they show the creepy internet stalker guys walking into a house looking for some "conversation" with kids? The mind boggles.

Jon still wasn't convinced this was a good idea and asked Cailyn, again, why she wanted a blog. Cailyn got quiet for a moment and then replied. "I want to write like Mommy."

She had to play that card.

Needless to say, I spent the better part of an evening trying to figure out a way to let her express herself online in a way that is safe and secure. I managed to do that. She now has her own little corner of the world wide web where she cannot be found very easily, where I have full access to her account and have all comments/discussion monitored my me. Pretty much, the kid is keeping a personal diary online. And I'm openly controlling it. I'm not sure how long this will last, but I'll take it where I can get it.

In Cailyn's first post, she "brags" about making mommy "cave". I guess I did a little, but I do want to encourage her to write. I plan on sending out her link to a few select family and our friends, so they can read and respond to her. As a writer and a former teacher, turning down a willingness to be creative and write is something that is hard to refuse.

What's next as my oldest continues to grow up? We've covered clothes and the computer now. I think the next thing is the phone. All of a sudden, she's getting phone calls. It's only one person in particular (her best friend) that calls, but last night, there was a call at the tail end of dinner. We allowed her to take the call. Jon and I just sat at the table, looked at each other with mild amusement and knew that we were entered a new phase of our daughter's life.

She wants to connect more with the outside world. And, as exciting as that is, it also scares the hell out of me. For now, I'll keep a tight grip on the apron strings, even though I'm lengthening them just a bit.

Quick weight loss update

I'm trying to crank out some small writing projects today, but wanted to post an update.

I successfully completed the Every Day in May challenge I joined with a group on the Weight Watcher Boards. It wasn't an easy challenge, with Mother's Day, Cailyn's confirmation party and having my best friend in the world come for a long overdue vist. But, I got through it all, mostly because I'm the competitive type and didn't want to post a failure on my challenge group! ;) Knew that winning spirit would come in handy for something!

Anyway, as of my weigh-in this morning, I have lost 28.5 pounds! I'm only 3.5 pounds away from losing my 10%. One of my board buddies pointed out that I'm only 21.5 from losing 50!!! Unreal.

I'll keep taking it day by day, one at a time and will continue my journey, slowly but surely! Thanks for all the encouragement I've had from family, friends and readers!

Leave Mother Nature alone...

When most people find out that I live in Maine, the typical response is: "Oh, it is so beautiful!" I've been to Acadia, numerous state parks and the coast and I absolutely love looking at Nature.

I just don't really enjoy being an active participant. In all of my experiences where I've tried to get in touch with some of the smaller natural wonders of the world, hardly any were inspiring enough for me to want to dig deeper into becoming the rugged outdoors type of gal.

Jon was a boy scout as a kid and supposedly camped out a bunch of times. He has fond memories of his times in the wilderness--even camping out once in the winter time--and no, he's not an Inuit, although the word idiot does come to mind--I mean, really, sleeping outside in the snow ON PURPOSE?? I, on the other hand, got booted out of the girl scouts. I guess you have to go to meetings to be considered an active member. Geesh, such strict rules.

The last time I spent a night outdoors involved being blindfolded, tossed in the back of a pickup truck with a group of college friends and taken to the middle of nowhere so that I could recite a Shakespearean monologue with a stylish wardrobe of Reddi Whip to set the mood. Don't ask, theater people are a quirky bunch. When dawn broke, I said, "Wow, that's amazing. Get me the hell home." I stumbled back into my house around 7:30 am, my parents were amazed that I lasted the night, and that whipped cream could smell so rank.

Today, I took a trip to Hermit's Island on Casco Bay with my daughter and her 80+ classmates. After an unexpected hike to and from our "work site", climbing over kelp and stepping on innumerable sea creatures, and trying to navigate through so-called paths of thick brush to find a place for 8 year olds to use a bathroom, I can say with certainty that my opinion of studying nature up close and personal just isn't something that is all that appealing to me. We were at the ocean...why not just kick back, walk on the sand so that I could feel it in between my toes and enjoy the sounds of the surf and of kids laughing? Instead, when my kid and another waded into the water, I hear teachers yelling at them for stepping a toe into the ocean. In other words, "Hey, it's ok to rip sea creatures out of their homes to study them, but don't enjoy the environment!!" But, safety first, always. Of course, climbing on rock cliffs covered with wet seaweed when the tide is out is really an exercise in caution. The kids had a good time, and that's all that matters.

But, all is not lost. I did learn a few things about nature today:
1. Rockweed pops when you step on it or squeeze it. Sort of like nature's version of rock acne or bubble wrap.
2. Crabs seem to have problems keeping their legs on. There was some sort of massive crab leg dismemberment event even before the screaming kids arrived for the day. But, never fear, they grow back after a few months.
3. Sticktights have two meanings: they are the little creatures that cling onto rocks and other beach items for dear life. I also learned that I plan on sticking tight to places where I can enjoy nature from a distance and have the privilege of knowing there is running water and a toilet just down the hall...

Some may call me a snob, but I call myself clean.

Monday Mishmosh and interactive blogs

edited because somehow I lost the gift of writing English coherently...

I'm shocked it's not June, yet, because May has zoomed by like a major league pitcher looking to bean me in the head. Seriously, there's just a lot of stuff going on here. So, in a vain attempt to be hip as well as get everyone caught up, here's what I like to call a mishmosh: which is basically a bunch of things I throw together and hope turn out halfway decent. If you're ever over at my house for dinner, I make a great Mexican MishMosh, btw.

**Cailyn's communion and confirmation were beautiful! The ceremony was great and fortunately, the families got along well enough that Fr. Claude didn't have to do a 2 for 1 ceremony: communion/confirmation in the morning with a nice little funeral to wrap up the afternoon.

**Next to the newly constructed teeter-totter that my in-laws literally dropped off in a big box full of pieces (a great way to spend a mother's day afternoon, btw, if any of you people are looking for ideas for next year....) I have the beginnings of a makeshift ark. In the past 3 weeks, we've had maybe 2 days of total sunshine. It's been surreal. The teeter totter has come in handy, though, because it's attracted a bunch of kids to our backyard. I'm hoping once I get the ark built, I can conveniently shove a few of them in there and sail them away to start life anew after the deluge stops for a while.

**Daily golden mothering moment #1: just as Cailyn wakes up this morning, I realize with horror, that the "tooth fairy" forgot to come. Oh, Good Lord. Fortunately, she didn't flip out. We just sat on the bed and I"m like, "Uhhhh". After that brilliant bit of conversation, Cailyn bails me out and says, "I'll just put it under my pillow again tonight." She goes off on her merry way to get breakfast and I'm left sitting there feeling like a schmuck.

**Daily golden mothering moment #2: Erin wakes up this morning and comes down the stairs in hysterics. Apparently, she got up, called for me and I didn't answer. That's because I was downstairs working out (*don't fall on the floor anyone*). I didn't hear here over my gasping breaths for air, I guess. So, she comes downstairs, sobbing. "I thought you left me!," she cries. God, I love Mondays.

**Yes, I'm still plugging away on weight watchers and lost almost 2 pounds last week, bringing me to 24.8. Feeling good enough to do something crazy--like, you know, exercise

**With West Wing now over, tv is pretty much a senseless wasteland. My Sunday night fix is gone as is a show that was a part of my life for 7 years. How am I supposed to replace that? Sitting and sulking in front of the history channel, discovery channel or something stimulating like that.

**Heidi, Matt and the girls are coming to visit this week! It's been about 10 months since I've seen her and I can't wait!

**Work has come to a standstill again, which is fine because things at home have been so nuts. A couple of the opportunities I mentioned in earlier posts fell through. Rejection and/or unprofessionalism sucks.

**Summer vacation will soon be here and I've been in planning mode for a week. More details on that soon.


Now to the "interactive blog" I mentioned in the title. I'm throwing out the request for any readers to post their burning questions about me and I'll answer them truthfully (well, as much as I can!) I'm borrowing (i.e. stealing) this idea from other blogs I read because I'm sure there are many things that all of you are just dying to know (read: My brain is so full of crap right now, trying to be creative is pointless!). So, ask and ye shall receive an answer in future blog posts!

Time to get on the phone and make some calls and get some stuff done around here--unforunately, I haven't invented something that will take care of my to-do list, yet. I suppose I should add that to the list, too.

Weigh In Thursday

Down another 3 this week for a total of 23 so far.

I'm only 9 lbs from my first 10%.

Thanks for all the encouragement and support everyone! It will be a long journey, but I'm going to enjoy the view along the way ;)

Will try to post more later! Off to take Erin to the puppet show/playdate!!

Aging Gracefully??

Monday morning, I picked up Erin from preschool. She runs to her mailbox and grabs a sheet of paper. "Here, Mommy, it's for you! For Mother's Day!" After reminding her that Mother's Day is almost a week away, she tells me she doesn't care and wants me to look at it NOW!

On a pink piece of paper is a little message of love for Moms, with blanks in various places for the kids to fill in (well, they tell the teachers and they fill it in).

Here's the loving message my youngest daughter gave me to celebrate Mother's Day:

"My Mom

My Mom is prettiest when...she gives me a hug
My Mom likes to make...cookies
My Mom always says..."I Love You" (phew, there could have been some other interesting answers there!)
My Mom is funny when she....makes me giggle

And...at the very top of the page--the highlight!!

My mom is ______years old to which my second born replies...46!!


WTF???

I go to drop her off this morning and run into her head teacher, Donna, and say "So, Erin thinks I'm 46, huh?" I did appear to be amused--I think. Donna replies, "Hey, you're one of the lucky ones. One of the kids said '80'! for his mom!"

They do say 40 is the new 30....and Jon says to look at the bright side: "You look fabulous for 46, babe!" This from the man that many think is YOUNGER than me (yes, I'm looking at you, Sue!! ;) ) Last I checked, being born in 1969 certainly qualifies as older than being born in 1971.

Still, I think I'll stick with Jon's statement. If I look like this young at 46, imagine what 60 will be!

That is, if the girls don't cause me to go totally grey and/or bald by then...

Alive and Kickin'

In case anyone wondered, I have not vanished into thin air, run away from home (they'd find me) or gone an extended vacation (as if!). The past few weeks have simply been busier than usual up here in Maine, and I haven't had the time (i.e. energy) to sit and blog. I have been keeping up with those on my 'roll, and have tried to comment as much as possible. For those I missed, I apologize. So, here I am, ready to give you all the Cliffs Notes version of what's going on in my life.

Kids: The school year is winding down for Cailyn and Erin. I should have some spring school pics to post soon. Already I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do with two girls for the entire summer. It will be the first summer that we're spending together, entirely--no camp for Cailyn, no summer preschool for Erin. This is where my planning experience as a teacher will be come into use, I think. Cailyn wants to take piano lessons that her school's music teacher is offering. Stay tuned for more summer fun details!

Parties and Visitors: Cailyn's confirmation and communion is this weekend. All 4 grandparents are coming from out of town for the big event. So, I've been getting the house to a place where, well, I can show it off and say, "Check this out!" I'm not the best housekeeper in the world, but I must say the house is coming along nicely. Hell, I even planted some flowers!! Me!! We're having a nice party for Miss C--a cookout. Should be fun, even with so many members of the same family staying under the same roof ;)

Jon: My DH has been busy setting the new work week record for hours. The past 2 1/2 weeks, 13-15 hour days have been the norm. He's exhausted, I'm tired from being a de-facto single mom. He's put up with a lot from work, much of which I can't get into here at this point. Let's just say we'll both be glad when this stretch of insanity is over.

Me: In the midst of party planning, spring cleaning, and single parenthood I have somehow managed to make some positive changes in my life. Almost 6 weeks ago, I joined Weight Watchers--or, should I say rejoined. Don't ask me how many times it's been because I'm not sure I can count that high. Anyway, I joined the online program, so I don't have to worry about making meetings and weighing-in there. This meant that I ahd to breakdown and buy a scale. Not fun. But, after my health scare a few months ago, there was no denying that something needed to be done. My focus has been day to day, not losing a certain amount of weight by a particular date. While the number on the scale is important here, I think the biggest priority should be making healthier choices. Food isn't something anyone can give up cold turkey (like alcohol, cigarettes, drugs). It has to be handled daily. Little steps will get me where I need to be, eventually. Oh, so far, I've lost 20 lbs. I weigh in every Thursday and hope that this week will be another good one! This month, I'm part of a challenge that requires me to stay on program all 31 days. I can do this! 22 days to go! I'll keep people posted on my progress, but don't plan on making it a big deal here. No one wants to read about that stuff all the time! As for writing, I'm wrapping up an online class--which was so-so and have a few small assignments going, which is good considering the family situation. There is a potential for some big news soon, but I can't say anything for sure just yet. I'm in the middle of...negotiations...and that's the only hint I'm giving right now. This won't be a life-changing thing for my career, but it could be a big step.

Ok, I need to get some things done around here. I will try to be around more! I've missed writing and hopefully I'll have somethings that are a little more interesting to read!

How Soon We Forget

Thanks to Sheri for keeping it real. She motivated this email I wrote to MSNBC, my network of choice. By no means does it condemn just that network, but the media in general. I'm sure my comments will do nothing, but at least I got my say:

Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2006 07:21:54 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Marie Rossiter" Subject: How soon we forget
To: viewerservices@msnbc.com

I am an avid reader of MSBNC.com and tune into MSNBC as often as I can. I usually find your work relevant, current and objective.

Therefore, I am puzzled with the fact that your network, like most others in our country's media, feels that stories related to Tom Cruise, Queen Elizabeth's birthday and the ouster of the latest Survivor contestant warrants more attention than recognizing the Oklahoma City Bombing and Columbine tragedies.

I don't like wallowing in sadness, but come on! Every time I click on a news site or flip the channel (yes, your network included) I see so much time devoted to the lives of people that really hold no special meaning or significance in our daily lives--as a people and as a nation.

Time, it seems, does heal all wounds.

But, the scars are still there--especially for those directly affected by these tragedies. I don't happen to be one of them, but I remember the horrors of Oklahoma City and Columbine. I watched the riveting images on MSNBC as events unfolded.

I don't believe that bad or morose news should plaster our broadcasts, papers and magazine. We have enough bad news to go around. However, shame on the media for glossing over such important dates in our history in favor of discussing the "irony" of Baby Cruise and Baby Sheilds being born on the same day at the same hospital.

What will we forget next? The trooops in Iraq? How about September 11? It has been 5 years after all...

I hope the media, and its viewers, gets their collective priorities straight sometime soon. Let's focus on the people of this world who give all they can, including their lives, instead of those who have so much because of our country's obsession was fame.

Thank you.

Sincerely, Marie Rossiter viewer, Auburn, ME

"I'd like to thank the academy???"

Holy Crap! I can't believe it's been two weeks since my last post. Not sure what my excuse is, which really means I don't have one. Guess I just haven't had much to say.

I have been working on my writing, although not as much as I'd like. I am heading toward the end of an online writing class, and I am disappointed with it, so far. I have accomplished the goal of focusing more on my writing, though, so that is a good thing that has come out of it. The experience just isn't what I expected it to be: i.e., getting detailed feedback about my submitted work, having online discussions about our work, etc. Then again, I didn't pay a lot for this course, so it may be a getting my money's worth.

There are a few classes I've been looking at for quite some time, but they are EXPENSIVE! I'm talking to the tune of hundreds of dollars. However, most of these classes are either through an established college or other reputable writing instruction program. Still, it may be better to take one or two of these classes and really get something out of my work, compared to dropping smaller amounts more often and walking away disappointed.

I have been more active in my online writing group and a comment that a fellow member gave me has stirred up some conflicted feelings. He read the first chapter of a fiction book I'm working on and said he really enjoyed it; however (there's always a but, right?) he thought my work lended itself more to screenplays than novels. This is something that I've been struggling with for a while. The majority of my writing does center around dialogue, whether its to give the reader a clear picture of the characters or moving the story along. A number of people have made given me this feedback and so I'm really wondering if this is something I should pursue more. I have a few screenplay books and have been on the verge of sitting down and cranking something out. It's all just so foreign to me, and it's kinda scary. I have an idea for a project to "get my feet" wet, but won't say much more about it until I make a committed decision. Just when I think I know what I'm doing, I discover that I really am clueless! LOL But, it sure does make my writing life a bit more interesting!

change of blog format?

Sorry for the delay in posting, but lots of things have been clogging the brain waves.

Thanks to those of you supporting my "leap of faith" regarding my writing. I have actually been working on some of my own stuff--some of which has been in mothballs for ages.

As a result, I've been contemplating a few things about my blog. I'd like to have a site where I can post my writings--sort of in a serialized form. Perhaps one day it will be a chapter from my fiction novel, another from my memoir project and even column-like articles. Is my blog an appropriate forum for this or do I need to start another site.

I already have my "professional site", where I have my resume and a few writing samples. Then, of course, is this blog, which I'm amazed I've kept up for so long (albeit not religiously). If I start another blog, it will be more more thing to add to my "to-do" list.

So, here are my questions to all of you who are much wiser:
1. Should I keep my blog as is and start a new site for my writing Works In Progress (WIPS)

2. Should I change my blog format to incorporate both things? Sort of like WIPS along with my personal blog?

3. Any other suggestion you might have...I'm at a loss at this point, I'm so confused.

A writer needs his or her work out there to be read and commented on--heck, that's why we're all here in the blogosphere (on some level). I'm not looking for pats on the back, just constructive criticism as well as some accountability. What should I do, folks?

From the "Out of the Mouths of Babes" file....

Sometimes I think I liked my kids better when they could just lie on the floor and drool all over themselves--but, then I remember the diapers, formula, baby food and all those other wonderful expenses that don't suck the last nickle out of my monthly budget anymore. Now that both my girls think they know more than me, those days seem almost "nostalgic".

Erin, the 4 year old, has become our resident one-liner/funny observation maker...Here's just a sample of her latest gems:

Last weekend as the family enjoyed a dinner out at a kid-friendly sit down restaurant, the girls were getting a litle--um--too loud for my liking. I glared sideways at Erin, immediately to my left, and muttered: "You keep this up and I'm gonna stick my foot up your butt" After 30 seconds of her patented "boo-boo face", Erin goes, "But, it's small." Huh? is the only thing that I manage to say. She just keeps on going, "Mommy, my butt is small and your foot is wayyy too big to do that."

In the parking lot of same restaurant on the same evening, the girls are sitting in the back seat of daddy's hot new wheels. Jon mentions something about needing to put the manual brake. "Is the emergency brake on," curious Erin wants to know before getting out of the car. When Jon replies yes, she gives her stamp of approval: "Good, otherwise we'd roll down the hill just like a pumpkin!" [Note: I wasn't in the car, so I missed the hysterics that supposedly ensued after this comment.

Erin holds up a beautiful yellow dress that my mom sent to her. "I want to wear this to school!" she says, jumping up and down. "No," I tell her. "It's only for special occasions." With a look like I just popped her favorite balloon, she replies ,"But, mom, I AM SPECIAL!"

Yes, you are, you little smart ass...:)

Leap of Faith

"I need you to jump off a cliff..." President Josiah Bartlett, to his then-Press Secretary, CJ Cregg, right before appointing her to be his new Chief of Staff--The West Wing

I've been standing at the edge of a cliff for quite some time, now. I've kicked some stones over the ledge and watched them fall, smashing into tiny pieces into the ravine below. That seems like a good enough reason for me to back up to safer ground. For a while, I will move back and take in the view from a safer distance. Yet, something compels me to return to the edge time and time again.

"I need you to jump off a cliff..."

When it comes to my writing, I've stayed on the safe ground for most of my career. Actually getting started in the field was a huge risk, but after that, I met with some mild success and quickly got used to that feeling and the paychecks that went along with it. Somewhere along the way, the work aspect of my writing has eclipsed my true desire for the written word. Being a working writer is something I never thought I could accomplish and once I discovered that I could earn some decent money by writing, I got wrapped up in finding more ways to turn my passion in paychecks.

Somewhere along the way, though, I sold myself out.

I can't remember the last time I've been able to sit down and truly focus on my writing work. Manuscripts sit untouched, article ideas and queries continue bang around my brain, begging for release. That's when I'd teeter on the precipice, wondering what it was really like out there. If I jumped, would I simply come crashing down or would I find a way to keep myself afloat.

Turns out I've been sinking all along; it's just been a longer descent than the typical free fall.

I like the fact that I'm working steadily, but am I really putting myself out there? challenging myself? Taking risks? Not really. There's been a lot of thought, energy, frustration and discussion about what direction I should head in next. I've gone over it in my head hundreds of time and I keep returning to the same place.

It's time to take that big step off the edge and have some faith. Accomplishment is not always measured in dollars and cents, but in the satisfaction of producing something from deep within myself that I can take pride in. There is so much that I want to (no, need to) say. Not everyone may want to read it or hear it, but I'll never know if I keep it boxed up within me. There's room for earning money doing what I love, but I need to take a chance on myself and my talent--to extend myself beyond the security blanket that my writing jobs have become. The work should enable me to invest the time and expense involved in becoming the writer I've always wanted to be, no matter what the end result.

As I look down from the cliff, I'm taking a deep breath. I have no parachute: only a vague sense of faith in myself and what I can do if I make a true commitment.

It should be a fun ride. I hope you'll join me on this new journey.

Home vs. job: Are you fighting a losing battle? - Working Mom's Guide - MSNBC.com

Home vs. job: Are you fighting a losing battle? - Working Mom's Guide - MSNBC.com **Edited to add: I have yet to comment on this piece, but plan to tomorrow, when I can form more coherent sentences than the ones I just tried to construct. Thanks to those of you who have read and commented so far!

Strike Two...

If you read my earlier post from today, you'll know that my Mommy Morale was pretty low. I felt a little better after writing about it--sort of a purging, I guess. I got back to work and, knowing that Cailyn had a half day and that at least I wasn't causing my oldest any unnecessary angst.

About two minutes before I'm supposed to leave to pick up Cailyn at school, the phone rings. I almost ignored it in my rush to get out the door, but something made me stop and check the caller id:

City of Auburn...which only means one thing: Cailyn's school. Huh? Dismissal is just moments away.

"Hello, Marie, this is Kathy Arnoldy." (Cailyn's teacher)

So much for my day improving.

It seems as though my eldest child has been causing some commotion at school--for over a week! Acting up in class, not listening, and copping a major attitude.

The not listening and acting up is not unusual. Acting up for Cailyn is bluring out answers in her overzealous attempt to show her teacher how much she knows. It doesn't excuse her behavior, but it does explain it, and Kathy has always been very understanding and patient with Cailyn. I guess the addition of the attitude pushed things over the edge, and it has carried over to other classes like art.

So, I listened on the phone as Kathy described what's been going on--and she told me that Cailyn was standing right there so she could hear it--Cailyn was supposed to talk with me about what was going on in school. Based on the fact that I sounded shocked at this news, Kathy quickly figured out that I didn't get that update. I told her I'd be right down. When I picked Cailyn up, I set up a time for a conference with Kathy tomorrow morning.

I brought Cailyn home--she knew that we were due for a chat. After I cancelled a work appointment, we sat down.

She didn't seem very willing at first to tell me what was up her butt. At first, she talked about boys bothering her at school, but that sounded kind of lame to me...

In the end, she tearfully tells me that she's upset that I'm too busy with work to come volunteer anymore in her class.

Oh, my aching head....

During the fall, when business was very slow for me, I spent a lot of time in Cailyn's classroom. Ironically, I didn't work much with Cailyn while I was there, but it appears that my presence was what was appreciated the most. Since business has gotten crazy, I haven't been in her room for almost two months.

"You're too busy and I don't think you care anymore.." she cried.

I cried--again.

We had a long talk. I agreed that I would find time in my schedule to come in a few times a month, and she would work on her behavior and telling me when something is bugging her. I assured her that I love her very much, and that she's one of the most important things in my life.

I left teaching to spend more time with my kids. I reminded her of that, and the fact that I've never been a parent of an 8 year old girl. I said, "Sometimes I forget that just because you're a big kid, you still need me. I'm trying to balance giving you some independence and space with being there when you need me...I guess I still have a lot left to learn. I hope you'll help me out."

Cailyn also shared that she's pretty bored with the work she's doing in class, which again, comes as no big surprise. I've been waiting for the time when this would become a major problem in class. The dilemma is that Cailyn is ready for gifted work, but because she is acting out, there is some hesitation in putting her in a gifted classroom. I understand the dilemma, as a teacher. But, as a parent, I need to make sure that Cailyn's needs are being met, too. So, after Cailyn apologizes for her behavior during our conference, I'll talk with Kathy about the work issue.

All I can wonder now is, What Next??

I'm not sure I want to know that...at least not today.

Regretting Forgetting

From the file of things I do that will never earn me a Mother of the Year award...

Each morning, I drop Erin off at preschool. Fortunately, it is not a harrowing experience, as it can be for many parents. Still, Erin has been going through a bout of separation/transition anxiety lately. Every goodbye lasts longer so she can get "one last hug and kiss". Last week, she started going to one of the windows in the preschool and waving to me as I go to the car. Awwww...

Well, everything has been crazy lately. Work has me slammed against a wall right now (long story, will share in another post). Then, of course, there was Jon's car saga from last week, so my brain is still a bit, how shall I say it? Scattered.

This morning, one my friends dropped her son off to school. I haven't seen in her a while and it was so good catching up. We chatted about a baby shower we're going to on Saturday as well as making plans for Erin and I to get together with her and her son next Tuesday (Erin is moving down to three days a week at preschool--gotta pay for that new car somehow. ;)) Anyway, I stood there chatting away and after about 10 or 15 minutes, I got in the car to leave. I got to the end of the parking lot and there it was...

The window...

Oh God...I forgot to turn to the window when I walked into the parking lot and started talking to my friend.

Erin had been waiting...

This wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that earlier this week, I was in a rush to get to an appointment and I got about halfway to the car before remembering to wave. Fortunately, I caught her while she was still there. I could hear her crying through the window as I ran up to her. I don't know how many times I said I was sorry. I managed to console her and went on to the rest of the day...

Today, though. She was gone. All I had in my mind was the image of her at the window, seeing me chatting and me not waving back.

I swung the car back into the parking lot and ran inside. I had to apologize.

When I walked into the room, one of the teacher aides looked a little surprised at first to see me, but then I got a knowing glance. "She's not here. She went to tumblebus."

"Is she ok?" I managed to get out.

"She was upset", the aide said, "but she stayed with me."

Floor, please open up and swallow me right now, I prayed silently.

Erin's teacher, Donna, assured me that she was fine. I just stood in the room, feeling like the worst mother in the world. I couldn't move and couldn't say anything.

Donna asked me if I wanted to leave Erin a note that Donna would read to her when she got back from her gym class. I mumbled something and shook my head. She gave me a piece of paper and a pencil and I sat down to write. What the hell do I say?

Through silent tears, I managed some lame ass apology for forgetting her. I told her how much I loved her and that I would pick her up early today. It felt so pointless.

I gave the note to Donna, doing the best I could to keep it together. Donna assured me that Erin was fine, and would be fine. "You wave to her all the time, Marie. Don't worry about it." She was right.

But, it was little consolation for the blown opportunity today.

I left the preschool and stood near the bus where Erin was having her class. I wanted to climb on board, scoop her up and tell her how sorry I was. I heard the kids laughing and playing and decided it was better to leave things alone and let her get on with her day and enjoy herself.

As for me, I cried all the way home.

It's a moment that she'll eventually forget, but I'm sure that I won't. The thought that I made my little girl cry like that...well...just...there are no words.

Only regrets.

A do nothing kinda day

Today was one of those days that I know is sometimes necessary, but I still have some reservations about.

We didn't do a hell of a lot.

Ordinarily, our weekends are full of things to do, whether it's around the house or family outings. Our weekdays are crazy and, most weeks, the weekends aren't much better.

This weekend started out like most others. Our girls have been pretty good about not barging into our bedroom much before 8am. They'll just go into the living room and watch TV for a little bit, run around the house, scream and yell or whatever--I guess they forget that sound carries. But, at least they aren't pounding on the door at 7am.

By 8am, though, they usually come in and remind us that they need to eat, because apparently we starve them by not feeding them the moment they wake up. As I lay in bed this morning, willing myself to get a move on, Cailyn asks if she and Erin can paint. I hesitate, but in my half-conscious state, I agree, warning them to be careful and only to paint in the dining room. They promised they would. I have a plastic tablecloth on the table, so I knew they couldn't do too much damage.

About 10 minutes later, I'm downstairs and the dining room looks fine. As I head into the kitchen and ask the girls what they want for breakfast, I see it--red paint. It's all over my sink and the dishes in it, the backsplash, part of the counter. If I didn't know better, I'd swear that there had been some sort of sacrificial rite in my kitchen. The actual explanation made less sense then that, though:

"I needed to wash my brush," Cailyn explained.

That was the start of the day. I cleaned up the kitchen and then touched upon Cailyn's room (after debating with her about what cleaning it up really means).

After that, I decided I was done with chores for the day.

Things have been very busy lately, so I guess yesterday and today were sorta recharge days. Yesterday I screwed around with my blog. Today was my crochet--I'm trying to finish a baby gift for a friend of mine who may be having her first one any day now (say a prayer for her and her family, if you would. It's a long story, but believe me when I say prayers would be much appreciated). I started a sweater months ago; it was in a moment of insanity. I got to the armholes and realized I was out of my league. Instead, I'm working on a hooded blanket. I also have a couple hats made and need to do a couple of pair of socks. The baby shower is a week from today. I'm sure that it won't all be finished, but I can at least bring pictures of what I have done and bring along my other gift: diapers. I know, it doesn't sound like the best shower gift in the world, but as a mom, I can tell you that diapers are something that can always be used and they ain't cheap. I always buy a couple of large bundles in variuos sizes, so that mom and baby will have some for a while.

As for tomorrow, it's my birthday. The big 3-5. I'll reflect on that tomorrow, since it doesn't seem right to do it beforehand. I will say that it's not something I'm dreading. Jon and I have plans to go out, which we desperately need to do. Nothing fancy, but we should have a good time. And, that's what really matters. We haven't had alone time in a long while. I hope we remember what to say to each other ;)

Do-nothing days like today and yesterday are great, but I always feel a little bad: there are so many other things I could be accomplishing. There are just some times, though, that the brain says, "Nah, not thinking today..."

And, I decided not to fight it. That's what Mondays are for.

New Look

Seems like a lot of my blogging friends are changing things up, so in the interest of jumping on the bandwagon, I'm starting to renovate. Thoughts? Ideas of what to add, etc? Have a great weekend!

Our new arrival

It's been a long time coming, but we finally added a new member to the family.
We are proud to announce the new arrival of the Rossiter family. She's a definite beauty, although I realize that we are a biased. But, she's shiny, a metallic grey, new and all ours--actually, she's technically Jon's, so I'm not financially responsible for her, although I'm sure I'll wind up writing the checks each month LOL. Anyway, here's a photo:
NOT THE ACTUAL CAR--that photo is coming soon; it's dark out, after all!!!

Told ya that she's purty...hee hee She's a 2006 Saturn Ion 2

I gotta give Jon credit: he ran the last Saturn he owned into the ground, almost literally. His car was 13 years old and he fought tooth and nail to keep her around as long as possible. However, the clutch finally gave and the only way he could shift the car was doing a modified Flintstones routine of rolling the car, getting up or down to a certain speed and yanking the stick shift into the proper gear.

Unfortunately, we don't live near a Saturn dealer; the closest is about 30 miles away. So, we convoyed down to Westbrook, me following him to make sure his car just didn't keel over on the Turnpike. As soon as we turned into the dealer lot, our beloved Saturn gasped her last breath.

We had the girls with us, because I knew it would take a while to get things done down there. I love Jon, but he's not the most decisive person in the world. He also has some sort of disorder where is not able to estimate time very well. "Itlll only take about two hours," he claimed. I'm not sure what the precise conversion is between real time and his time (which I joke is EET: Electrical Engineering Time), but after being married to this wonderful man for almost 10 years, I know that it's about a 2:1 ratio.

Time of arrival: 12:30pm. Time of departure: 4:00pm.

That's right, folks. I hit the nail on the head.

To be fair, it wasn't entirely Jon's fault that there was such a delay. There is all the paperwork, getting the car prepped (I swear, I didn't know that they had to wash, wax, clean a brand new car that only has 6 miles on it!), there was a little thing with a seal that had to be fixed, which then led to another one being replaced, etc.

Still, it was worth it. The car is a winner. I sat in it for about 5 minutes right before we left and I had to drive my car back to Auburn. The girls, of course, dropped me and my "old" car like a hot potato. At one time, my car was "sooo cool". But, no sooner than the ink dried on the agreement, Cailyn cried, "I'm riding in the new car!!!" I should have felt rejected--yeah, I wasn't really. Maybe now my Grand Am can go back to being "my baby" and not Kiddie Central all the time. Again, in the interest of fairness, I do give Jon credit for allowing the kids in the car, period. Hell, on the way down to the dealership, Erin had to eat her lunch, since we picked her up before her lunch time at preschool.

Let me give you a little hint: Chef Boyardee Ravioli in a thermos and the back seat of a car--not the best combination.

But, it was my car, so it was all ok. I'm sure that the people at Jon's office didn't hear my little monologue of obsenities as I bolted out of the car, in the plant parking lot, and wipe up the browish-red mess that quickly oozed onto my seat. I'm not even sure what I did wipe it up with, so I guess I should go back there and take a peek before too long.

Food will be banned from Jon's car, I'm sure. Never let it be said that I don't teach my family valuable lessons.

All in all, like any new addition to a family, there was a little pushing, a little screaming, a lot of waiting and it was all worth it in the end.

Two Dollars and Dream...

I've never watched "It Could Happen to You" from beginning to end. All I know is that a cop from New York splits a lottery ticket with a broke diner waitress as a tip. Of course, in true fairy tale fashion, they hit the jackpot, fall in love and live happily ever. The movie was based on a true story, which I vaguely recall reading about in the New York Daily News when I was younger.

The odds of winning the lottery are extremely long, but it's not impossible. One person in Nebraska won last night's $365 million dollar Powerball jackpot--so, there's proof that it does happen to someone.

Unfortunately, that someone isn't me.

Does that make me a sore loser? I doubt it, because if it does, then there are millions just like me around the country this morning. Misery loves company. That should help all of us feel a better.

Yeah, not exactly.

I don't consider myself greedy. I've told Jon that I didn't have to win the big one. I would be quite content with winning a few thousand dollars by matching only a couple of numbers. So far, the closest I've come is matching one and the Powerball. Not exactly a play that would make me a wealthy woman, but I did get $15 out of the deal.
$15 dollars compared to a couple of thousand or hundreds of millions. Sort of pales by comparison. At least I can say I've won the lottery, though.

I don't play the lottery often. Usually, common sense and reason tell me that dropping a couple of bucks on a slip of paper isn't a sound investment. Yet, every time the money gets big, I head down to the Irving station and pick up my two tickets (and yes, I know that two tickets make not even the slightest statistical difference when it comes to hitting the big one).

I understand that I am fortunate to have what I do: I'm not broke, I have a nice home, a great family and a job that I enjoy. Winning the lottery wouldn't change most of that. I wouldn't ditch Jon and the kids, I'd still write and as for my home...ok, I might change that. Everyone has a dream home. Mine wouldn't be one of these places that could fit two houses in--I'm not greedy. All I want is my washer and dryer out of the basement.

Is that a lot to ask? I don't think so.

But, for now, my dream home will remain that. Dreams are good. They give us something to strive for, a goal to reach. I'm sure this loss will be me a better, more productive member of society.

And, just to prove that I'm not a sore loser, I offer the following good wishes to the Nebraskan who now has more money than can be spent in a lifetime:

Congratulations! Enjoy your money!

Oh, and if you need someone to write your life story, I'm available...

For a small fee, of course.

Sick....and tired

In his classic performance "Himself", Bill Cosby makes the following statement:

You know, one day mother started into it. She said, "You make me sick." "And tired," I finished. [long pause while the audience laughs] I don't remember anything that happened that day

Word to that...well, all except for the thing about saying that to my mom (I valued my life). Sick and Tired just seem to go together like PB&J, Spaghetti and Meatballs--you get the idea. I'm pretty sure that most people get sick because they are tired (read: exhausted) and that's when the germs get ya, as soon as the body says, "Yeah, I could use a little rest." How about a rest without feeling like my head is in a vice, my breathing whistling an off key tune and my voice sounding like Rocky after he's gone one too many rounds with Apollo, Mr. T or that Russian guy in Rocky IV (right? I stopped caring after Rocky II, really) Today in our lovely home, Mommy and Daddy are sick and tired. We both have colds miserable little things. A cold is great if you want the sensation of being underwater or trapped in some sort of transparent box with minimal air. Not exactly a great combination. The worst thing about them is that there's nothing you can do but wait the damn thing out. And, since I'm tired, it will probably take me a few days to shake this thing. If I wanted a vacation, I'd go to Bermuda or Jamaica or somewhere tropical. I don't need by body shutting down on me to impose a mandatory break time. It sort of takes away from the whole relaxation concept. I don't know about you, but when I try to relax when I'm sick, it just isn't very...well...relaxing. I ache, I cough, my head aches. It doesn't do much for me, but I'm funny that way. Of course, I always get sick when something big happens. Right now, its crunch time for me with work and I stil have't managed to find the the girls' off switch, so I keep plugging on. That's what moms (and most dads) do. So, after a day of hell at work, I'm realy to turn in by 8:30. I know, I know!! My life is so exciing. Hopefully all the juice, extra rest and yes, even yucky medicine, wil help alleviate some of these sucky symptoms. Have a good night. M.

My Hometown

Recently, I had an assignment for a new client about the construction boom in the Lewiston/Auburn area. For those that don't live around here, I have to say that the LA area (yes, we call it that---oh, aren't we so cheeky?) is growing by leaps and bounds. When we moved here in 1998, Auburn was a nice little community and Lewiston, well...not so much. A local comedian joked once that people in Lewiston used to go to the Longley bridge, which is the "border" between the cities, look across the water and go, "Someday....someday we'll make it there." Heh.
However, over the past few years, Lewiston has picked itself up, dusted itself off and is really starting to get its shit together. Oh, there will always been that two block stretch on Lisbon Street that houses about 1/2 dozen sleazy bars and a number of "adult" shops (Maine's lame attempt at a red light district), but new businesses are popping up all over, new restaurants, stores, etc.
The same goes for Auburn. We're getting a LongHorn SteakHouse and Ruby Tuesdays! Although, personally, I'd much rather have the Olive Garden that was rumored to be coming in. Homes that make my humble dwelling look like a garage have made an appearance just up the road from here. Jon and I both wonder where the hell these people work, since Jon works at one of the more established and well paying companies in the area and there ain't no way we're ever affording a house like the ones being built around us. See, we have this habit of wanting to put food on the table--silly us.
Anyway, I digress...this assignment required some pictures, so I thought I'd post a few.
From the top of Goff Hill, which on a snowy day, people rarely need a car...just a good nudge and one slide could probably make it into Lewiston. This is right up the road from my house. You're looking at part of downtown Auburn and, in the distance, Lewiston. The big church in the background is St. Peter and St. Paul's Basilica--yes, we're moving up in the world--at least according to the Catholic Church!

The newly renovated Lewiston Public Library is less than two blocks from the aforementioned "redlight district". However, this facility is gorgeous now...it was a decent library to begin with, but now, it's truly high tech and a great place to spend some time.
Great Falls, which flows under the Longley bridge between Lewiston and Auburn. I took a few shots of these early in my photography experience. I shot this one with one of my new lenses. I really like the shot, even though there is some blur around the edges. The new lenses are wonderful, but I need a lot more practice with them. Still, I thought this one was worth posting.
I'll be taking more shots of the area and posting them as I keep working with the camera.
I joke around a lot about the L/A area. Honestly, though, I'm thrilled with where we live--most of the time. ;)
Oh, I just noticed that my one year blogiversary passed without my recognizing it. So, Happy 1st to me!!!! And, thanks Heidi, for getting me started!
And, oh yes...Happy Valentine's Day to all of you! Almost forgot....lol

Family planning and the olympics

Now that you've read the touching tributes to my darling daughters, I can now vent a little about the fact that their birthdays are separated by one day.

"Wow! How neat!," I hear often when the girls' birthdays come up and people realize how close they are. "Did you plan it that way?"

Sure, I waited all year long until the appointed day on the calendar that I carefully figured out would produce a baby on February 7th and February 8th, turned to my husband, grabbed him and said, "Come on hot stuff, we have to make a baby NOW, so our kids can have almost the same birthday!!" Not that he would mind me grabbing him at any time for any reason, but there was no plan to have two girls back to back like that (granted, they are separated by 4 years). That matters little when the first full week of February rolls around, though.

The closest thing I had to any kind of plan about child birth was that there was no way I was going to be in the last trimester of pregnancy in the dog days of summer. Being that preggo sucks no matter what time of year it is, but there was no way in hell that I was going to have a bun in the oven while it was 90+ degrees outside. So, when it came to the time where we tossed caution to the wind and said, "Sure, let's have some kids", the caution was only thrown as far as April to August. Naturally, that didn't mean that we couldn't practice during our "down time", but the plan was to hang the "NO WOMB FOR RENT" for 1/2 the year...

Turns out, we didn't need any kind of planning. Apparently, we practiced so much before trying to conceive that we got it right almost the first shot out of the gate (pardon the bad pun, there). All Jon needed to do was look at me, it seemed, and I got pregnant. We did endure the loss of two children, and that's a subject for another post--not because it's too hard to talk about, but I don't like focusing on what I don't have, especially around the girls' birthdays...So, we were incredbily skilled/lucky when it came to getting pregnant. It just seemed that one time of year was better for us than the rest.

I think something my "nephew", Kyle, said when we announced the joyous news of our second pregnancy sums it all up pretty well. When we told his family, who was having dinner with us that evening, that the 2nd baby Rossiter was due at the end of February, Kyle's mom, Sue, was incredulous. "Wow! You guys must really like February! First Cailyn's birthday, and now another one the same month!" As I raised my fork to put the next mouthful of food to my lips, then 14-year-old Kyle says, without missing a beat, "Seems to me that they like May even more..."

Ah, out of the mouths of babes....That was the funniest thing I heard in ages, and although his mom was slightly embarrassed, I think, I could do nothing but agree with the young man. He's always been a smart one.

Must have been something in the May spring air for Jon and me...
Either way, there are times that I think that having the girls' birthdays so close was piss poor planning. The week of their birthdays is hell, and now that both are having parties, well, it isn't going to get any easier as time goes on. But, for now, we lump the girls parties as close together as we can, just so we can get through the insanity a little faster.

This week has been filled with last minute calls from parents (who had two weeks to RSVP, btw), exploding ice cream cone cupcakes and a small fire in my kitchen (the anti-Martha rides again), trips to two classrooms in two days and getting ready for two parties this weekend. Work? Forget it. Sleep? Not much. There's still lots to do before we get through the weekend, but somehow it will happen.

And, in the end, the kids will love it, no matter how it turns out--because, remarkably, it turns out that, for them, it is the thought that counts, even though they can't wait to open presents and stuff their faces with cake. Their excitement is contagious...I just wish I had their energy to maintain that excitement for 7 days, as they have. LOL

Oh, another odd coincidence about Cailyn and Erin's birthdays? They are both winter olympic babies--on the night each of them was born, the winter olympics held their opening ceremonies--Nagano, Japan in 1998 and Salt Lake City, Utah in 2002. While all these people stood out in the freezing cold, getting ready to have their greatest moment...twice I held the product of my physical endurance and labors...Skiing?? HA! I just delivered a baby! And, I'll be damned if I didn't get a medal....what a jip! ;)

But, after two babies, I think we've finally got the family planning thing down now. In two days, as the winter olympics in Torino opens, there will be no deja vu this time...We made our family plan long ago: we officially removed ourselves from the gene pool after Erin was born and that's a plan that we can count on (I HOPE!!). After all, keeping up with two girls should qualify as an olympic sport.

Hell, if curling still counts, shouldn't raising two daughters???

Happy 4th Birthday Erin!

This shows you how much Mommy loves you, Erin. I'm posting this picture of us because it's so clear to see how happy I was that you came into our lives. You entered the world the way you live life today--hard and fast. Always following in your big sis' footsteps, you made your debut the day after Cailyn's birthday, proving that Big Sis is "always right". Oh, you waited around for a while--20+ hours to be exact from when we entered the hospital. But, when you decided it was time, less than 5 minutes and two pushes later, you came screaming into the world (with a little bruiser eye to prove it). You've been a fighter since Day One, Miss E. You proved to be more of a challenge than Sissy your first year: horrible gas, ear infections, not settling as well into day care...There were days that I was unsure I was doing all I could to take care of you. But, again, you were a fighter and by the time your first birthday rolled around, you were into everything: always ready to explore. All of us thought that you were the fastest crawler ever. Who needs walking when you can zip around the house safely on all fours?! Still, chasing after Cailyn got you up and running soon enough! I know that parents aren't supposed to label their children, but raising kids isn't always about "shoulds and shouldn't" according to some expert. You, dear Erin, are ruled by emotion (yes, you are truly Mommy's girl." You feel things to the core. You have an incredible capacity for empathy, an appreciation for beauty and a low tolerance for injustice (especially when it comes to when I say 'No!' lol). If eyes are windows to the soul, yours are wide open. That's the first thing most people notice about you: your gorgeous blue eyes. They sparkle when you're happy, flash when you're mad and twinkle when you're up to no good. What I love most about you is your flexibility and the fact that you are sometimes a paradox: you love dressing up like a girly princess, but have no problem growling like a dragon at the same time. You fully embrace your entire personality, on both sides of the spectrum. This can be challenging to us, because it's hard to keep up with who you are or what you're feeling at any given time, but there's no doubt that things are never boring... No one could ever have convinced me four years ago that one tiny (ok, not so tiny) baby could complete me. From the moment I first held you to today, when I have to run in order to keep up with you, you have been one of God's greatest gifts to me. You are still my baby, even though you're growing up right before my eyes. And, fortunately, you still don't mind so much having that role in my life. One day soon, that will change, I know. But, for now, I'm just so happy that we have such a special connection. Thank you for bringing humor, love and joy to our lives. And, just as I said to your sister, thanks for choosing me to be your Mommy!

Happy 8th Birthday Cailyn!

Eight years ago, you came to us on an unusually bright, warm February afternoon...You certainly took your time getting here, but after 3 1/2 hours of struggle, you came into the world pink and round and perfect--all 9 pounds, 4 ounces of you! Even then, we had trouble finding clothes that fit you right! LOL Your first year was full of changes--moving from Ohio to Maine, learning to crawl, walk and talk, all before you hit 12 months! You've always kept me on my toes and amazed me with the things you could do, even when people didn't think it was possible. Even as a toddler, you had personality--plus! There were times that it seemed we had a little person as opposed to a child. You had this way of relating to people that went beyond your years. Yet, in spite of your early maturity, there's always been that touch of mischief within you... Four years and one day after we were blessed with you, we gave you the baby sister you wanted so much. You knew, before anyone, that Erin would come into our lives and that she would arrive just in time to be "the best birthday present ever!" I'm not sure who was more proud: Mommy and Daddy or you. I did discover that in spite of my fears of not having enough love to go around for two children, I somehow loved you even more after Erin came along--and had plenty to give to little sis, too! While you are mostly a "Daddy's girl", you and I share so much in common, too. You have a flair for the dramatic--both on and off the stage. Entertaining people brings you joy, and you also have a gift of the written word, too. Whether it's on the stage or in everyday life, you simply love to announce your presence to the world. Sometimes, I come down a little too hard on you about this: thinking that you're being a show off. But, in all honesty, I'm amazed at how comfortable you are in your own skin. You just keep teaching me about what it means to be real. You always have a smile for everyone. So many people say what a happy child you are. Your smile reminds me that even though I don't always act like the greatest mom, I must be doing something ok for you to be so self-assured and happy. I notice that I smile more when I'm around you, too. Although there are many times that I wish I could stop time in its tracks and keep you young and away from so many of the things that you will face as you grow up, I know that I can't. And, deep down, I guess I don't want to. Yes, I get scared at what challenges lie ahead, the fights we'll go through about clothes, boys, cars, etc. But, in the end, I'm just too fascinated by the young lady you're becoming to hold you back. There are still too many lessons for both of us to learn, and for that reason, I can't wait to see you grow up! Happy Birthday Cailyn! I love you so much and couldn't be more proud to be your Mommy. And, I thank you for choosing me to bring you into the world.

Say It Sunday #3 (sorta...)

Roller Boogie Baby!!!!

Say It Sunday #2

Of Swears, Shows and Spring...

We're experiencing technical difficulties....

Ok, so Blogger sux--we all know we feel that way, at least from time to time. For some mysterious reason, no one can comment on my audio post. I have yet to figure out the cause. If I had some of that annoying Muzak that stations play when they go into standby mode, I'd play it--so instead, you're gonna have to hum a tune of your choice... If you wanted to comment on my last post and couldn't, feel free to drop me a comment here... We now take you back to your regularly scheduled program, already in progress....

Centennial Post--Live from Maine...

Help me celebrate my 100th Blog Post!!!

My next post will be the big 100!!! To celebrate this milestone (read: "I can't believe I actually kept it up this long..."), I am looking for reader suggestions re: what this auspicious blog posting should be about. I'm putting a call out there for all of your creative ideas. Have burning questions that you want to know about me? A fun idea of what I should do to mark the occasion? Even if it's a meme that you think might fit, throw it out there. There are no dumb ideas--well, maybe... My next post (#100) will be based solely on what those out there want to read. C'mon, you know there's something you're dying to know/ask. Go for it, because you never know, I just may give you the answer! LOL Can't wait to hear your ideas. I mean, I can't think of things all the time, right? Until we meet at #100!!! M.

Baby steps in my house

Before any conclusions are jumped to, I assure all of you that the baby steps I mention have nothing to do with the Rossiters gaining a new addition to our family. Babysteps is a saying from this wonderful woman who goes by the name "Flylady"; she works at helping multitaskers, like me, who wind up getting distracted way too easily and therefore say, "Screw it", to get their homes, lives and families to a place where we can feel content and satisfied. Flylady is not about being perfect, but "good enough", and doing it one step at a time--thus, the baby steps. Her website is here and I highly recommend it for scatterbrains/supermoms/superwomen like myself. It almost seems too simple, but it works. I adapt the system to what works for me, but the basic principles are so obvious that I find myself smacking myself in the head when I read through them. Slowly, but surely, I've been working at getting my act together when it comes to the house. As the sign in my dining room says, "Martha Stewart doesn't live here--adjust!", so I will never reach domestic divadom any time soon. However, in the interest of my sanity, I've been trying to think of ways to make it easier for my family to help me out so I don't feel as though I'm tackling this place all my own. After some serious thought, it dawned on me that I haven't really given my family the right tools to get the job done. I tell the kids, "Pick up your room" without really providing a sense of where things go or even give them a place. I look around the house and say, "Eh", but I really haven't taken the time to add little things to make it more like the home I reallly want and we all can enjoy. Last weekend, Jon and I tackled the kitchen. We got a new kitchen a few years ago and as much as I've loved it, I really never took the time to get it really organized. Therefore, cooking was even more of a hassle than normal. But, while I was putting away a few of my Christmas gifts--which many seemed to be kitchen-oriented--something came over me and I finally have a place for everything, and it's all where it needs to be. This past week has been a joy in my kitchen, to the point where I'm actually looking for new recipes to try because I know I have what I need and right where to find it---scary shit, believe me. This weekend, the whole Rossiter family went to Home Depot to spend a gift card we received from Jon's folks. We actually had fun there!!! Whooda thunk it?? We picked up a bunch of stuff and went home, ready to work. Cailyn's room and the dining room became our projects yesterday. Cailyn's had her own room since spring and has had a really hard time keeping up with it. Keeping in mind about giving her the right tools and teaching her what works, we hauled out the room, put in her new rug and then she and I set to organizing her things--and pitching some of it, too!! A couple of underbed storage totes, some clothes hooks, a new area rug and the organization was all it took to redo her entire room. In about 3 hours, this was the result: The chain with the stuffies hanging on them had been buried in her closet--she had two. We never got around to hanging them up. It took care of most of her stuffed animals: got them off the bed and off the floor. The cool light on the dresser was from Grandma and Papa in Vermont. Cailyn kept saying, "I can't believe this is my room! This is awesome." She wasn't jumping up and down; it was more like she was in awe. She had to have a picture of her "cool, new room". Instead of saying "Cheese" like she usually does, she kept saying, "Thank you!". Made me feel really good. Cailyn's closet was really the key to getting it all together. Believe it or not, we had all of this stuff in there already, but there was no organization. I showed Cailyn that each shelf should be home to a certain type of thing: one for games, one for arts and crafts stuff, etc. She had all of these things, but just threw them randomly into bins and then trashed the room because she couldn't remember where she put stuff. The stuff on the top shelf is storage for Mom and Dad right now--Cailyn didn't mind sharing, though. ;) This isn't the best picture; it's a bit blurry, but you get the idea. The room looked pretty bad while we were sorting/organizing--ok, it looked like her room totally exploded instead of partially--but we had to see what she had and where it had to go. It was worth the effort. Meanwhile, as we worked, Jon put down the new area rug in our dining room. We had moved the furniture around months ago, but something still seemed...off. We had a beautiful rug there from when we moved in, but over the past few years, it had seen better days. The rug we picked out is a different style than our previous one, but we think it will be more functional than the previous one. Once he got it down, even he was amazed at how it pulled everything together. It was hard to get a decent picture, but it's not bad. *Notice the gorgeous paper signs on our chairs: Cailyn made those after she and Erin argued for 15 minutes about where to sit for dinner the other night.* I still have to put Christmas stuff away, and yes, that is a plastic pumpkin on top of my china cabinet. The girls finally polished off their Halloween candy just in time to put their Christmas candy there. Jon and I put it up out of reach so we wouldn't have two sugar overdoses. There are a few more little projects that we'll work on during the week. One for the kitchen, one for the living room. I'll post update pics. If it seems that I'm proud, I admit that I am. I'm not trying to brag, I swear. The house has always been one of my trigger points when it comes to my depression. I think if I can keep control of it, my emotional roller coaster may slow down some. Now, with the whole family getting involved, it will be a bit easier....I hope ;)

*WARNING* MAJOR VENT AHEAD--RATED R FOR LANGUAGE

Now that I've gotten the appropriate warnings for those who have sensitive eyes/ears, those of you who are still with me, I apologize for the following rant. ARRRRGGGHHH Why does everything have to be so damn difficult???!!!! All we wanted was one night where we could watch one fucking movie and we can't even accomplish that. Jon and I decided that we would start our own movie night. We bought each other some new DVDs and we figured we'd start tonight. The girls went to bed, although it was a little later than planned, we got our snacks and sat down to watch "Mr. and Mrs. Smith." Our piece of crap multi-disk receiver/dvd player ate our DVD and scratched it. The friggin' thing hasn't been working right for a few weeks, but we thought it might just be some of our old dvd's have scratches on them. Now, even with brand new DVDs, the fucker don't work and the ones that do, it pushes them out of the tray and scratches them to hell!!! We're 30 minutes into the movie and it just stops playing!!! Once in a while, I would like to be able to not have to take the long way, jump over a pile of hurdles, duck and cover or any other way of avoiding the proverbial shit hitting the fan. We have been working our asses off to save money, stick with a budget, cut spending, etc. We don't go out on our own much anymore because we don't want to pay a sitter and can't find one on a regular basis anyway. So, we figure this would be a great compromise: spending some quality time together, saving some money and just enjoying each other. Now, Jon is fiddling with the blasted machine and I'm here ranting. We should have gone to bed early. I know it seems trivial to bitch about something like this, but Jon and I work hard at making our girls happy, giving them what they need/want, and it's not very often we have time to ourselves. What is so hard for arranging two hours on one night of the week????? Sigh. I'm done ranting. Seems pointless anyway. Gonna get ready for bed and hope tomorrow is a better day.

The era of (mis)communication

In light of what happened in West Virginia, I think many of us are looking for answers as to how something like this could happen. I'm not sure there will ever be an answer that satisfies either the victims' familes or even the general public. A lot of backlash has come upon the news media, and perhaps much of it is deserved. Yes, the 24-hour news cycle has made news gathering and reporting almost instantaneous. We, as humans who are curious, (and sometimes, let's all admit it, to a morbid degree) crave as much information as we can. Why, I'm not sure, except for the fact that we're just plain nosy. Ok, I don't believe all of our interest and curiosity is for self- serving reasons. Perhaps we want to feel closer to the people in our world, in spite of the fact that many out there want us to believe that technology is bringing people closer; I have to wonder sometimes if it is, instead, isolating us as a culture even more...but, that's for another day's soapbox. I wasn't a journalism major in school. Hell, I'm simply a features writer most of the time--fluff, drivel is what some other professionals in my field may call it. However, even as a fluff writer, I know the importance of checking, double-checking and triple-checking facts before I put them into print. The article linked below goes into this argument much better than I ever could. For those who like the Cliffs Notes version because you're not a news geek like me, allow me to provide a few snippets that summarize this whole horrible experience pretty damn well:

This case reminds us of a lesson we learned, at least in part, from Hurricane Katrina: Even when plausibly reliably sources such as officials pass along information, journalists should press for key details -- respectfully and courteously, but assertively. Mr. Mayor, tell us more about how you found out. Chief, can we talk to the officer or officers who actually responded to those rapes? Governor, you tell us "they" say 12 are alive; who, in this case, are "they"?--Scott Libin

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That said, I don't believe this case is one to dwell on as a major failure of news organizations, at least not in the erroneous reporting that the miners were believed to be alive. Frankly, when the Governor said they were alive and when the church bells started ringing and the families started celebrating, it would have been extremely difficult -- if not impossible -- to "hold the story" pending more verification. Sadly, this is one of those cases where the truth was tainted by the most unfortunate sort of miscommunication. But let's not be trapped in the "media blame game" syndrome on this part of a tragic story. The first reports on television and radio and the newspaper headlines were wrong in many cases, but the circumstances of this case were quite unusual and terribly unfortunate.

and

However, we can and should re-examine our overall coverage of the West Virginia mining disaster story. Perhaps too many news organizations played the story too prominently in the previous 48 hours. Perhaps we fell prey to the classic story line of "trapped miners" and pushed the story too heavily on relatively slow news days. Perhaps we went overboard with the above-the-fold stories and pictures. Perhaps we got carried away with the intensive coverage on cable news and talk programs.--Bob Steele

For those who want to read the full article, here is the link. Poynter Online - Beyond the Headlines: Attribution, Verification and the Time Lapse It is a worthwhile way to spend about 10 minutes of your day, and it will really make you wonder about how we, as a culture, react to the news media, and, in turn, how it reacts to the public. It is a give and take relationship. Even I, as a "non-journalist" understands that. In an era where the news is usually not good, it isn't unreasonable to want to cling to something hopeful or "miraculous". It was only a matter of time before something like this would happen--and I can say with any certainty is that I am praying for everyone involved in this story--the victims, their families, the company members, and even the media.