Bad Moon Rising

Last night, as a celebration for Cailyn finally riding a bike without training wheels, the family decided to head down to the local ice cream stand. Dairy Joy lives up to its name: any place that mixes soft serve chocolate and coffee ice cream is #1 on my list. This place is THE place people go in our town to satisfy their sweet tooth. Even when it's raining, there are at least a few people there. On a night like last night, where all of us here in Maine could finally climb out of the ark, the line stretches to the curb.

The girls were playing (read: causing a commotion) nearby and Jon and I waited in one of the lines. We picked the shortest line, which meant that we waited the longest because the shortest line is always the slowest. As I'm trying to balance my short attention span between deciding how much damage I'm going to do towards staying on the weight loss track and making sure my kids don't get run over by a car, Jon taps me on the shoulder.

"Hon, you gotta check that guy out over there," he whispers, pointing to some young guy who thinks he's an authentic hippie or dippie, I don't know which. I thought Jon was mocking the sad excuse of a leather vest he was wearing.

"No, check out the jeans," he corrects me.

For a split second, I wonder why my husband is checking out some strange guy's jeans. It turns out he wasn't looking at the jeans, but the guy's ass.

Literally.

Just to the right side of the middle seam of this guy's jeans is a rip. Not just a little hole or tear, but a huge gaping hole. Which showed off this guy's NAKED ass.

Unfortunately, I can't make this stuff up.

Ripped jeans may be back in style, but I think there should be some sort of guideline that if someone wants to put a big-ass hole in the seat of his pants, he MUST make sure that it doesn't show his big, hairy ass.

First of all, there were kids there. I don't know many kids who have the restraint to not go "OH MY GOD, MOM! YOU CAN TOTALLY SEE HIS BUTT!" Last night, we were lucky, because ice cream is a pretty good distractor. Second, we're all there to eat; who wants to see this guy's full moon rising up over our horizon.

I managed to keep my reaction to a few snickers and no one else said anything, either--probably because who wants to admit they are looking at his rear end?

What I want to know is this: why would someone think this is a good fashion choice? There was no way he didn't know his jeans were like that. There was a good stiff wind last night and I'm sure the breeze was blowing around freely in there. So, there's common sense rule #1 out the window: "I know my jeans have a hole large enough for a Mack Truck to pass through, but I'll wear them anyway." This brain-trust then takes the flying leap to: "Dude! I have an idea! I'm not only going to wear this 'hole-y jeans', but also wouldn't it be great to go commando, too?!!! Oh, yeah!!! Rock on!"

Maybe he had just taken a shower and decided to air-dry. I don't know. I really don't care, either. If I want to see naked butts, I have pay-per-view for that.

It almost ruined a good hot fudge sundae, and no one takes that away from me.