An important Public Service Announcement...

This is your brain on grass...

This is your brain about to get stomped on by giant, maniacal 8 year old.
Any questions??





This damn thing was growing on our lawn. Cailyn pointed it out the other day when we pulled into the driveway. "MOMMY!" she annouces so quietly and calmly. "THERE'S A GIANT MUSHROOM ON OUR LAWN!"

Sure, honey...

In my defense, my kids can weave a tall tale like few others I know. As a result, some days it's hard to tell when their stories are factual reports or just a crock of shit.

Well, apparently Mother Nature took a chapter out of Carroll's Alice in Wonderland and planted it right in my yard. After my daughter's repeated insistence, I went to check out the thing after dinner.

Me: (examining the toxic waste 'shroom) Holy shit, Jon! Come check it out!
Jon: (comes out front door and stares downward) That's.....
Me: (swears it's throbbing at her feet) a brain! Look at it!!!
(Jon laughs it off at first, but upon closer inspection gets a look of slight horror and recognition)
Jon: Well, that' where I left it....

Jon wanted to know if we should get rid of it.

"Hell, yeah! Before it consumes our home and sucks out our brains for nourishment!" I shout. Ok, so maybe I do know where my kids get the talent of exaggeration...

Big, strong, brave DH goes to the back porch to get a shovel. We figured that it would just break apart when he dug it up. Instead, it comes out fully intact...

You see why I was a little concerned?

Jon lifted it on the shovel and tossed it among the brush between us and our neighbors. We heard a loud thud and I swear the ground shook a little...

"Well," Jon says. "There goes a month's worth of salad for ya, babe."

For a moment, I thought of rooting in the shrubs for the wild vegetable...the Fryeburg Fair is coming up and I think I would have had a great chance at a blue ribbon.