It's all about me.

Hi. Yeah, that's me in the picture over there. I hate having my picture taken because, well...we'll get to that in a minute... But, I figure if Heidi can step up and show herself off, then I, as her best friend, should brave it, too. What are best friends for, right? She looks fabulous, btw. She's still a youngin', though--just celebrated a birthday yesterday. I won't reveal how old she is--that's her prerogative. Anyway, back to me. December 2005 wasn't the best month for me. With all the issues with my medication, my back going out while away in Vermont for the holidays, and news that I need to see a gastroenterologist because of some wonky liver enzyme levels, a "fatty liver" and a gall stone, I seem to have become a walking health hazard. The truth of the matter is that I've been a walking health hazard for quite some time. I've managed to dodge some major problems, and I'm damn lucky. The fact that something significant hasn't happened to me can only be described as good fortune and my guardian angel shining down on me. I'm overweight. I'm not just talking a little bit. The clinical term is obese. I hate the word, but I figured I should just call it what it really is. I've never been this bad off before--sure, I've been plus sized for a long time, but never to this extent. Part of it, the doctor feels, is a result of being on my first antidepressant, which can cause significant weight gain. Again, before I started on the drug, I was already heavy. But, I ballooned to my current weight over the past 12 months. Many things in my life changed in 2005 and I didn't make very good choices on how to cope with those changes. Pure and simple, I eat because I'm happy, sad, angry, depressed, lonely, etc. So, for someone to be clinically depressed, one can imagine the struggles I've had with food. When Jon found out I was posting a pic of myself, he was stunned. He knows how much I hate getting my picture taken, never mind show to the world. Looking at pictures is a harsh reality check. I've gone on with life, just pretending that the weight doesn't bother me or that it isn't really "that bad". The weight does bother me. It really is "that bad". I've gone on "diets" before and do well the first two months. But, at the slightest hiccup, I go right back to my old habits. This time, I want to do things differently. I don't want the focus of my efforts to be on just the scale. It's not really about the numbers on the scale, but more about living healthier--the pounds lost will be a bonus. I need to hold myself accountable, and that's where you all come in. I plan on holding myself accountable to all of you. Each week, I'll be posting something (either here or somewhere else and I'll provide the link) about my goals and progress for the week. Don't expect to see a lot of emphasis on the scale. I'm going to be looking more toward my behaviors and identifying the problems and figuring out the solutions. Then, I plan on diving in with a more conventional weight loss program. It's all about taking tiny steps. I will be posting more pics, too...talk about being accountable!! But, when this works, and eventually it will, I'd like some documented proof of my progress. The first week is focusing on drinking more water and watching my portion sizes. I will probably keep a food diary for the week, to see my patterns. In general, I know I don't eat stuff that is horrible for me (except fast food from time to time). My issue is "how much". I can't just eat one serving. Kinda sounds like a form of addiction. The second week will be all about adding activity to my life-even if it's only 5 to 10 minutes. In the past, I've worked so hard, I've burnt out. I won't do that this time. Those are the only two things I have concretely planned. Well, that and that by the Jan 31, I am going back to an eating plan that I know has worked before. I was joking with Heidi yesterday that I've proclaimed 2006 "The Year of Me". Sounds selfish, but I've decided that if I don't take care of myself, who will? Instead of focusing all of my attention on everyone and everything else around me, I can spare more time for myself. I think that I'll be pleased with the results. So, at least once a week, I'll be keeping it real by giving all of you the scoop on my progress (good, bad or indifferent). Swift kicks in the ass are graciously accepted (and very-often needed).