In search of my childhood

From time to time, all of us take moments of our day to look back on our lives and assess the progress we've made. Some days, I feel like the old Virigina Slims ad that goes "You've come a long way, baby!". Yet, others, such as most of this past week, the result of my assessment is more like, "Can those wheels be stuck any further in the mud, Marie?" In my quest to be a writer, I am finding more and more that I'm looking over my shoulder toward by past instead of looking ahead. Sounds counterproductive, right? But, I'm starting to wonder that in order to move forward with my writing that I need to recognize the stories of my past and make sure they are saved, be it for myself or for my children or even anyone else who may want to read them. I have been toying with a memoir piece for quite a while. There are chapters outlined and there is even one completed (well, almost...it needs a quick revision). Yet, as soon as I get elbow deep into it, I hit a wall. It feels as though that there is a psychological block that is preventing me from making progess. Then, this week, I've had a number of dreams about the place where I spent most of my childhood. People, places and images of my past visit me in my sleep as if to say, "We're here...we've found you. Come find us now." I shared this with my best friend, Heidi, and wondered if these dreams mean that I need to "go home" in search of my childhood. Heidi seemed excited by this prospect and offered her companionship should I decide to make the 5 1/2 hour trip. The idea is interesting. It's been two decades since I left New York with my family. I'm not even sure what, if anything, from my childhood is still there. But, the more I think on it, the more I wonder if it's time to go find out. But, truth be told, I'm also a little scared. While many of my childhood memories are good, there are just as many that are disturbing. I've spent years trying to move past, well, my past. Deep down, though, I know that the stories of my youth are worth devoting time and energy to, and that anything worthwhile isn't easy. Is a trip to New York inevitable? Let's just say that I've started looking at my calendar and trying to figure out if there is any way to go before my husband goes on an extended business trip...