Leap of Faith

"I need you to jump off a cliff..." President Josiah Bartlett, to his then-Press Secretary, CJ Cregg, right before appointing her to be his new Chief of Staff--The West Wing

I've been standing at the edge of a cliff for quite some time, now. I've kicked some stones over the ledge and watched them fall, smashing into tiny pieces into the ravine below. That seems like a good enough reason for me to back up to safer ground. For a while, I will move back and take in the view from a safer distance. Yet, something compels me to return to the edge time and time again.

"I need you to jump off a cliff..."

When it comes to my writing, I've stayed on the safe ground for most of my career. Actually getting started in the field was a huge risk, but after that, I met with some mild success and quickly got used to that feeling and the paychecks that went along with it. Somewhere along the way, the work aspect of my writing has eclipsed my true desire for the written word. Being a working writer is something I never thought I could accomplish and once I discovered that I could earn some decent money by writing, I got wrapped up in finding more ways to turn my passion in paychecks.

Somewhere along the way, though, I sold myself out.

I can't remember the last time I've been able to sit down and truly focus on my writing work. Manuscripts sit untouched, article ideas and queries continue bang around my brain, begging for release. That's when I'd teeter on the precipice, wondering what it was really like out there. If I jumped, would I simply come crashing down or would I find a way to keep myself afloat.

Turns out I've been sinking all along; it's just been a longer descent than the typical free fall.

I like the fact that I'm working steadily, but am I really putting myself out there? challenging myself? Taking risks? Not really. There's been a lot of thought, energy, frustration and discussion about what direction I should head in next. I've gone over it in my head hundreds of time and I keep returning to the same place.

It's time to take that big step off the edge and have some faith. Accomplishment is not always measured in dollars and cents, but in the satisfaction of producing something from deep within myself that I can take pride in. There is so much that I want to (no, need to) say. Not everyone may want to read it or hear it, but I'll never know if I keep it boxed up within me. There's room for earning money doing what I love, but I need to take a chance on myself and my talent--to extend myself beyond the security blanket that my writing jobs have become. The work should enable me to invest the time and expense involved in becoming the writer I've always wanted to be, no matter what the end result.

As I look down from the cliff, I'm taking a deep breath. I have no parachute: only a vague sense of faith in myself and what I can do if I make a true commitment.

It should be a fun ride. I hope you'll join me on this new journey.